


a matcha cookie, just for you.

by ZippyZapmeister



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Angst, Angst and smut? I feel like byron, Bisexual Female Character, Child!Kanan, Comedy, F/F, Face-Sitting, Fluff, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Vaginal Fingering, We stan our bi icon maru, at least as much as i can manage., canon? whomst? never heard of her., here we are, is like 2 or 3 chapters a slow burn, some of y'all are impatient
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-23 17:50:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14337834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZippyZapmeister/pseuds/ZippyZapmeister
Summary: Dia Kurosawa, a stoic businesswoman, finds herself falling in love with the owner of a local bakery.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> back into multi-chap hell, except this one is already finished so im not sabotaging myself!
> 
> gonna update every other day :3

There was something oddly nostalgic about the bakery, something that affected even the impenetrable Dia Kurosawa. The smell of sweets and bread, the pale pink paint, the shiny countertop showing signs of a recent cleaning. Even the worn leather of the seats gave off the impression of home.

 

What did  _ not _ feel like home to Dia was the feeling of stubby little arms wrapped around her legs. Whatever emotions the place had given her disappeared almost instantly. “Welcome to Kunikida Bakery, zura,” the little girl sang, even as Dia actively tried to kick her away. Dia was aware that, while she didn’t really like children, the little girl would definitely be considered adorable by most: wide purple eyes, a cute navy blue bun, green overalls, a hoodie...oh, yes, she was definitely adorable, but Dia did not care.

 

Dia finally peeled her off, but the little girl kept saying it over and over: “Welcome to Kunikida Bakery, zura!”

 

Just as Dia was about to discipline the little girl, since her parents seemed incapable of doing so, Dia heard footsteps quickly coming from the direction of the counter. Dia saw a frantic woman, so short that Dia could tell in an instant that the little girl would probably grow to be taller. The woman picked up the little girl and held her on her hip, and the little girl immediately fixed her eyes on the woman’s hair tie, fiddling with the flower attached to it. “I’m so sorry, ma’am! You see, my daughter, she’s a big hugger, and when I say ‘greet the customers’ she...”

 

Dia tuned the woman out, drinking her in. She had a little country accent. Dia considered it improper, but with the rich, slightly-panicky quality of her voice, it was almost a little cute. Her eyes were as wide and captivating as her daughter’s, but a warm golden color, which only complimented her honey-brown hair. It was pulled away from her round face in a ponytail. As a matter of fact, not only her face was round; she had quite the curvy figure as well, covered in little markings of dough and frosting.

 

“...on the house, zura!”

 

Dia blinked hard. She had missed everything the woman had said, but she assumed her treat was on the house...? “Thank you,” Dia said, tentatively. The woman smiled and nodded as the little girl worked the hair tie off of her mother’s hair and snapped it around her wrist, grinning stupidly. “Do you have matcha cookies?”

 

“Yes! I just made a batch. Let me bag that up for you...oh, just a second, zura.” The woman set the little girl down, then bent down and whispered in her ear. By the stern look on the woman’s face and the falling look on the little girl’s, Dia could tell it wasn’t anything pretty.  _ Good. I’m not even a parent and I could discipline better than this woman has, obviously. _ The little girl flounced off behind the counter and opened a door, disappearing in it. Right after, the woman went behind the counter, grabbing some gloves and a bag. The bag was pastel yellow with a lime green sticker to close it off.

 

“Interesting colors, there,” Dia pointed out, trying to make conversation as her cookies were bagged. As much as she was annoyed by the hug assault, she wouldn’t dare forfeit her manners.

 

The woman made a little noise of confusion, then looked down at the bag. “Oh! The yellow and green? Well, I gave the whole bakery a makeover last year, and me and Kanan-chan both picked our favorite colors,” the woman explained. “She wanted a really dark green, but it just didn’t fit, zura...”

 

Dia felt a small warmth in her heart. Something about that was so...simple. She imagined them at their cozy little home, perhaps with the woman’s husband there, sitting at the table.  _ “Mama, I want green,” _ Kanan would say, or-

 

Dia cleared her throat a little. The nostalgic feel of that bakery was getting to her. “How quaint,” she replied, stepping up to the counter. The woman finished sealing the bag and then handed it over to Dia. The batch truly  _ was _ freshly made; Dia could feel the warmth through the bag. Something about that feeling left her longing, as if something was...missing. Not with the cookies, but within her. It made her feel bitter. Dia swallowed thickly and pulled out her wallet before dropping some money in the tip jar. 

 

“Ah, th-thank you, ma’am, I-”

 

“Don’t thank me. Hire a babysitter for your daughter,” Dia said. She clenched the bag tighter in her hand and left out of the door, with the only thing louder than the bell over her head being the woman’s laugh.

* * *

_ Damn...I can’t stop thinking about those cookies. _

 

Three days later, and Dia’s mind was still on the matcha cookies from Kunikida Bakery. There was a lot more about the bakery that piqued Dia’s interest, with most of those things revolving around its owner, no matter how irresponsible she was. However, the  _ cookies _ were what had truly reeled Dia in. As soon as she had gotten at settled at home, she popped one into her mouth, still slightly warm. It was like the sweet taste had fanned out over her entire body, wrapping her in a tasty hug. She ended up shoving down the whole bag in a matter of minutes, and still left wanting!

 

Her father was talking to her again. She was supposed to be listening to him, something about the future of the business and how she should be prepared to take over...but those  _ cookies _ were just-

 

“Dia? Are you listening to me?”

 

“Hm? Oh, y-yes, of course, father.” Dia prayed she wasn’t drooling.

 

“Great. Then I’d like to have your proposal on my desk tomorrow. Consider this a test of your skills. Don’t disappoint me.” With those rather blunt words, her father turned and walked away. Dia paled. What proposal was he talking about?! Well, she certainly couldn’t think on an empty stomach...

 

Dia grabbed her satchel, looking down at her desk with disdain. She shared an office with her father, much to her chagrin. At first, she had seen it as a sign of power, having a desk right next to the powerhouse of the company. Instead, it was an opportunity for ridicule. Dia did almost as much work as her father, but she was always looked down upon by him.  _ “Don’t disappoint me”, my ass, _ she thought mockingly.  _ I could bring him the entire planet of Jupiter and I’d still be a disappointment. _

 

Dia had to escape. It was a feeling she got every now and then when she was in the office. She loved the office when she was working. It was always cold in the building, always an air of hard work and exhaustion in the air. It was something she took wholeheartedly, although she herself never grew tired of working. Still, sometimes it felt like the walls were closing in on her, like the stuffy air of the office was choking her. She needed a break.

 

Kunikida Bakery was nestled in what could only be called a business district. It seemed a little out of place. Even the restaurants in the area were considerably upscale, visited only by businessmen and rich people with money to waste (and there was some considerable overlap). As Dia walked on the street, she passed by many variations of suits and ties and dress shirts. In that bleak business corner of Japan, Kunikida Bakery was definitely a bright little treasure, even if it stuck out like a sore thumb.

 

Despite the business-oriented nature of the district, when Dia walked into the bakery, there was no trace of “business” to be found. The bakery had been empty when Dia came before, but that day, it had a couple of customers: an old couple chatting over tea and cake, a slightly-rowdy gang of four teenagers, and a woman around Dia’s age talking to the owner of the bakery. Kanan was nowhere to be seen. 

 

Dia walked up to the counter. She was usually impatient, but she wouldn’t have minded waiting a bit longer to be tended to if it meant she had some more time away from the office. In the little display case on the counter, she saw the matcha cookies, waiting for her. After a few minutes, though, the shine of the cookies wore off for her. More than that, she wanted to speak with that peculiar shopkeep again. Hoping that nobody would notice, Dia turned to stare at her, locked in conversation with her customer. That day, she had her hair in low pigtails, swinging cutely around her shoulders.

 

“Welcome to Kunikida Bakery! Cookies, cakes, cookie cakes, cake cookiesーyou name it, we bake it!”

 

Dia whirled around to the counter, where the voice had come from. Had she been caught making eyes at the owner...? The bubbly blonde behind the counter seemed not to have noticed, a wide smile on her face. Her nametag read “Mari”, with little sparkles drawn all around it. Dia glanced back at the owner; from where Dia was standing, she couldn’t see a nametag, and she hadn’t bothered to look for one a couple days earlier... “Uh, if you don’t mind...could I speak with the owner, please?”

 

“Maru-chan? I can call her over, if you want.”

 

Dia flushed, a number of scenarios running through her head. What exactly  _ did  _ she want? Even if Mari called “Maru-chan” over, what would Dia say? “Hi, your bakery makes me feel a little less depressed”? “N-never mind. Can I just get a dozen matcha cookies please?”

 

“Comin’ right up!” Mari pulled on some gloves, opening the display case and grabbing a small box; pale yellow, just as Dia had expected. However, Mari furrowed her brow as she started to box them up. “That’s odd...could have sworn we made four dozen this morning, and only sold three...why are there eleven cookies?”

 

“Maybe that brat of hers snatched one up,” Dia mumbled.

 

She thought she was quiet enough to not be heard, but Mari laughed. “Who, Kanan-chan? Yeah, she’s a plucky little kid! Quick, too...”

 

Dia sighed. “Eleven will be fine. Will you all have more tomorrow?”

 

“We have them every day! Feel free to come get some more before Kanan-chan does,” Mari joked. As Mari finished packing up the cookies, Dia took one last glance at the table where the owner was standing...but she was gone. When Dia turned back to Mari, though, the owner was right there, taking ingredients from a cabinet and pouring them into a mixing bowl.  _ No measuring cup? Does she really know the recipes that well? _

 

Dia leaned in, trying to look for a nametag. After a lot of squinting and a bit of guessing, Dia had the name.

 

“Hanamaru,” she said aloud. A gorgeous name. Not one that she had heard often, but that was fine. Hanamaru seemed to be special, so a special name was in order, right?

 

Unfortunately, Dia was caught staring, after doing it so much that day. Hanamaru simply looked up and smiled, her arms still working overtime to knead dough. “You called me, zura?”

 

“I-I was just reading your namet-”

 

“Oh, wait! You’re Kanan-chan’s little hug magnet,” Hanamaru said, laughing. “I remember you! Sorry about that. Give her a discount for those cookies, Mari-chan-”

 

“No, no, it’s fine. Water under the bridge,” Dia insisted. Mari snickered, probably because she had just heard Dia call Kanan a brat earlier...still, Dia wasn’t one to hold grudges, if you asked her. “You run a fine business here.”

 

Dia took out her card to pay for the cookies, and Mari took it. Mari could have charged any amount that she wanted, because Dia was far too preoccupied with Hanamaru’s dazzling grin to pay attention. “You’re too kind, zura! You’re not just saying that because of the matcha cookies, right?”

 

It was impossible to deny how damn good those cookies were, but Hanamaru really did just have a nice bakery. Dia took her card back, pocketing it and shaking her head. “Not at all. It’s very...home-y. However, I can’t help but wonder why you’d want to run a business in this part of the city. Don’t you think you’re a little different from the other establishments here?”

 

“Sure, sure! This part of town is really gloomy, zura. That’s why I’m here! Sometimes when you’ve had a long, busy day, there’s nothing that cheers you up better than a slice of pie...or some matcha cookies!” Dia spared a glance over her shoulder; there was a line. She didn’t want to be rude, so she had to be going soon. Hanamaru must have sensed Dia’s apprehension, because she washed her hands quickly and offered Dia a handshake. “Thanks for being a good sport. It’s only fair that I know your name, right? Since you know mine, and all...”

 

Hanamaru was...really cute. It almost made Dia nauseous. “Dia. Dia Kurosawa.”

 

“I hope to see you again, Dia-san! I’ll let Kanan-chan know you came by!”

 

Dia grimaced. She would have been fine without that. “Yes...do that.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> perhaps my favorite chapter haha
> 
> i know i said every other day but i just really like this chapter uwu

_I can’t let myself slip up like this again..._

 

With a great deal of satisfaction, Dia attached the document with her proposal for the upcoming year’s budget in it to an email, then sent it to her father. She was right next to him, and although he usually didn’t like to be bothered when he was working, Dia was far too proud of her ability to do good work after procrastinating to not say anything. “Father, I’ve emailed you the-”

 

“I have it,” he said gruffly. His judgmental gaze told her that he was currently looking at it, his eyes just waiting to find something to complain about. Luckily for Dia, working under pressure was one of her greatest feats. He found nothing. “Great. Have a break, then. I have work to do and you’re distracting me.”

 

The corner of Dia’s lip twitched. Usually, she would have taken the dismissal as an insult, holding it in her mind all day and trying to figure out where she had went wrong. However, over the past couple of days, Dia was taking all of the break time she could have to go visit the Kunikida Bakery.

 

She was becoming a little more self-aware, at that point, or at least more honest: there was more to that little bakery than its matcha cookies. She was equally enamored with the ambience, the other friendly customers, and, admittedly, its owner. Dia rarely got to chat with Hanamaru, since she was always baking, serving, or chatting up other customers. That didn’t matter much to Dia, though. Hanamaru was, for lack of a better word, fascinating. Dia sometimes felt a little guilty, observing Hanamaru like she was a gazelle on a nature channel. At the same time, it was hard _not_ to ogle her.

 

There was something mystifying about the way she moved. Even when she was just carrying cupcakes to a waiting customer, there was a little bounce to her step that made her whole body jiggle. If Dia looked behind the counter at the right time, she could see Hanamaru mouthing lyrics to herself and nodding to a rhythm that only she could hear. Dia sometimes wanted to be inside her head. What could one be thinking as they mashed up cookie dough and swayed their hips? Why did she sometimes refer to herself in third person? Only Hanamaru knew.

 

Even more interestingly, Hanamaru had a habit of talking to herself. Dia could sometimes catch little snippets of speech (“Now, where did I...oh, _that’s_ it...but that means...”), but never full sentences. Another mysterious element: what was that girl always talking about? Dia knew her new little hobby was immature, possibly creepy, but it was a fun little break from the monotonous business world.

 

Ready for another day of matcha cookies and Maru-watching, Dia nodded to her father and took her leave, not even bothering to bring her satchel. After all, it was getting a bit ratty and old around the straps, and she didn’t want Hanamaru to notice. Dia matched the brisk pace of all of the other people on the busy sidewalks, but when she stepped into Kunikida Bakery, she felt too relaxed to do so any longer, even if walking quickly helped her warm up from the cold mid-November weather. Mari was behind the counter, tapping away at her cellphone, and Hanamaru was seated with a customer, nursing her own mug (definitely a personal one, Dia hadn’t seen it before). It was a customer that Dia saw frequently, one that Hanamaru was always talking to. She wore gothic clothing, heavy makeup, and sported an odd little side-bun. _This seems like the kind of place weirdos would shack up in,_ Dia thought.

 

Dia made her way to the counter, ready to order her signature snack, but an excited little “oh” from Hanamaru surprised her. “Dia-chan! You’re here! Thank goodness, zura. I’ve got something important to show you.” Hanamaru rose from her seat, leaving her mug behind and rushing off to the back of the store. “Get her some cookies, Mari-chan!”

 

Sometimes, Dia felt like she was less in an actual business establishment and more just visiting her friend’s house for some snacks. Mari bagged up some cookies, and poured some tea at Dia’s request. By the time Dia had payed for her treats, Hanamaru was scuttling back out, a paper in her hands. Dia got herself settled at a table, and Hanamaru sat down across from her, sliding the paper to Dia with a grin on her face.

 

Dia cleared her throat as she picked the paper up, looking at it with a furrowed brow. On the page was a crudely drawn penguin. To be more specific, it was a crudely drawn _pissed off_ penguin. It had downward-turned brows and a large frown. Next to the drawing, in large red crayon, were the words “NO HUGS”. Dia suddenly felt like she was being mocked. No, it wasn’t just a feeling. She was _definitely_ being mocked. Still in disbelief, Dia held the paper up for Hanamaru to see, and Hanamaru just nodded and smiled.

 

“What is this?” Dia asked stiffly.

 

“It’s you, zura!”

 

“This is most certainly not me!” Dia turned the paper back around to her, looking it over again. It had her beauty mark and everything! She slammed it down on the table angrily. “This is a penguin!”

 

From behind the counter, Mari drawled, “If you knew what it was, then why did you ask?”

 

Dia’s face flushed with anger, but Hanamaru seemed to only grow more entertained. Dia remembered the first day when she had become fed up with Kanan, and Hanamaru had been so apologetic and embarrassed...where did _that_ go? If Hanamaru weren’t so adorable, Dia might have scolded her for being so lax.

 

Actually, thinking of Kanan raised a few red flags in Dia’s mind. “Your kid drew this, didn’t she...”

 

“Yup! Earlier today. She told me to give it to you, zura. Ain’t that cute? Look at my little artist!”

 

“More like your little asshole,” Dia barked. Hanamaru huffed in response.

 

“She’s still mad that you didn’t hug her back. Stuff like that really gets to her. She’s very...emotional,” Hanamaru explained. When she saw Dia’s face, she giggled. “Don’t shoot the messenger, zura. She just said to make sure you got it.”

 

Dia rolled her eyes. “Well, fine. I’ll give her a piece of my mind! Where is she?”

 

“You told me to get a babysitter...why would she be here?” Hanamaru grinned.

 

“I’m not joking! I would like to have a talk with her!”

 

“I’m not joking either, zura. Really, she’s at a friend’s house today. You two can battle it out some other time. Keep the drawing, though. I’ll tell her you hung it on your fridge,” Hanamaru said, finishing her sentence off with a wink. Dia looked at the drawing and frowned, then realized that she looked a lot like the penguin when she did that.

 

She folded it up and stuffed it in her pocket.

* * *

Dia continued her regular visits to the bakery, but it wasn’t until the beginning of December that she caught Kanan, sitting at a corner table and quietly drawing. Dia easily read her expression, as well as Hanamaru’s: Kanan looked sullen and ashamed, and Hanamaru looked frustrated and busy (although she plastered a smile on her face whenever she saw a customer). It looked like Kanan had stepped out of line again, only to be quickly put back in her place. Maybe Hanamaru wasn’t as soft as Dia thought she was. Dia was sure that Hanamaru had experienced that situation many times before, though. Not only that, but it was a Saturday, and many people were lined up to get their share of sweets.

 

Dia decided to help out a little bit: she could have her talk with Kanan, and Hanamaru and Mari could take care of the rush. Dia slid into the seat across from Kanan, peeking at her drawing. Thankfully, it wasn’t another penguin. It was a cupcake.

 

“Cute drawing. Do you know how to bake that?” Dia wasn’t sure how to talk to kids, exactly; she always talked to her little sister like she was just another person, but after growing up, she realized that conversations with little kids required a bit more careful wording.

 

“Hi, Penguin-san,” Kanan chirped. Her voice was so sincere that Dia wasn’t sure if she was joking or not. _Not to mention, she completely ignored my question..._

 

“I am not a penguin! Where did you get that stupid idea from?!”

 

Kanan frowned, as if she was genuinely confused by Dia’s confession. “You have a white shirt on. And black feathers...”

 

“That is my _hair,_ not feathers. Hair!”

 

“Really? Mama said you kinda looked like a penguin, too, though. And Mama doesn’t lie,” Kanan stated, affixing the last part as if it made everything okay.

 

Dia made a note to herself to bring that up to Hanamaru later. “I hate to break it to you, but she lied this time. I’m a human being.”

 

Kanan pouted, turning over her piece of paper and grabbing some more crayons out of her box. “Well, you don’t have to be. Mama says that when I’m drawing, I can be anything I want! So, I’m a dolphin. And you’re a penguin, zura.”

 

“I am not a penguin!”

 

“No, no, you’re not, but...you are,” Kanan said. She scribbled furiously, ignoring Dia’s protests. Dia had to admire the kid’s stubbornness, though. It felt like looking into a mirror. Finally, Kanan finished her masterpiece, turning it so Dia could see. It was penguin Dia again, but that time, there was a dolphin with a bun next to it. “See? You’re a penguin now. Just ‘cause I drew it! You can really make it however you want!”

 

Dia thought it over. She wasn’t exactly _wrong._ Through drawing, Kanan could essentially make whatever she wanted. Kanan moved the box of crayons so that it was directly between them, then handed Dia a sheet of paper. “What’s this for?”

 

“Art class. Call me Kanan-sensei,” Kanan proudly declared. “We’re gonna make some drawings, zura!”

 

Dia glanced over at the growing line of people and Hanamaru’s flustered expression. Her and Mari were bustling around, bagging up goodies and ringing up customers. The last thing they needed was Kanan running around and stirring up some more trouble... “Okay. Fine. But just until it calms down a little bit in here,” Dia murmured. She grabbed a light blue crayon and set about drawing a diamond.

* * *

When the week finally rolled back around, the bakery’s business had slowed down a lot, as Dia had expected. However, Kanan was there more often, and Dia found herself being forced back over to her little corner of the bakery.

 

Dia wasn’t bothering to lie to herself about her intentions anymore. She liked Hanamaru. There was something about her, even just _watching_ her, that brought out a more pleasant side in Dia...a side that didn’t worry about the future or responsibilities, a side that was willing to take a look at the little things and smile. But, all of Dia’s plans to get closer to Hanamaru had been thwarted in the most irritating of ways. There was always a customer needing something, or Mari having an emergency back in the kitchen. More recently, Kanan was demanding Dia’s attention.

 

“She’ll get over you after a while, toss you aside like a toy she got bored with,” Mari reassured. Then, she sighed nostalgically. “I remember when she used to ask _me_ to play with her like that...”

 

Dia was sort of hoping that Mari was right, but on the other hand, she couldn’t deny the fact that hanging out with Kanan was getting her some brownie points with Hanamaru. Every now and then, Dia would catch Hanamaru taking a break and looking over at Kanan and Dia, just smiling. Dia wasn’t a fool; there was no better way to get a single mom to like you than to be nice to her kids.

 

She wasn’t completely heartless, either, though. Kanan was, to say the least, an interesting kid. As mischievous as she was, she was also pretty laid back. Kanan claimed she was five (although sometimes she said she was six, and sometimes it was four, and other times it was twenty), but she could hold a conversation like Dia wouldn’t believe.

 

...Although, a lot of those conversations were just interrogations.

 

Kanan was infinitely curious, wanting to know everything about everything. Dia had watched Hanamaru talking with her before, and was surprised by how Hanamaru answered her. Dia had expected Hanamaru to offer cutesy, watered-down explanations for questions Kanan asked, but Hanamaru was instead very informative. Her most popular response was “let’s go check out a book from the library about it” (which usually made Kanan drop the subject immediately).

 

One day, Dia found out a mildly disappointing tidbit of information from Kanan, even though she was the one being questioned. “So, you work in one of those big buildings,” Kanan said, stating but asking at the same time. She didn’t look up at Dia, drawing inside of a coloring book. Her complete disregard for coloring inside of the lines made Dia twitch.

 

“Yes, I work for my father’s company. How did you know?”

 

“I’ve seen you walking out of it! And you dress all fancy like my Papa, and he works in one of them, too.”

 

 _Her...Papa?_ Dia blinked. She was pretty sure Hanamaru was single. No ring, no mentions of a husband...who was this “Papa”, then? “Your Papa, huh? So...your mother is married?”

 

“Oh, yeah!” Kanan said it like it was common sense. Dia felt her heart drop. She cursed herself for being so quick to take an interest in Hanamaru. Really, her idea that Hanamaru was single was based off of nothing but assumptions. “But, he’s never home because of work. So sometimes Mama gets a little lonely.”

 

 _This is only getting more and more confusing._ “Doesn’t he work in one of the big buildings?”

 

Kanan sighed, as if she were exhausted by the question. “Well, yeah, but...he travels a lot. So he’s only there sometimes. But he always brings cool stuff home for me! I’ll bring something and show you. As long as you don’t break it.”

 

“No, no, I wouldn’t do that.”

 

“Okay.” Kanan paused and thought for a moment. “I mean it, zura!”

 

“Yes, of course...”

 

As per their routine, Kanan gave Dia a piece of paper and a handful of random crayons (some of which were broken in half). Kanan had been taking Dia’s drawings home with her every day, but Dia wasn’t sure where they went. At that moment, she didn’t care. She was bitter, and she wasn’t afraid to admit it. It just wasn’t _fair._ A woman as gorgeous as Hanamaru as sweet and adorable and wholesome and kind...and she was taken? Dia wasn’t surprised, of course she wasn’t. But that didn’t stop her from being upset about it.

 

 _Stupid me. Why did I get my hopes up, anyway? She probably isn’t even into women..._ Dia looked up at Hanamaru. She was on the phone, probably writing down an order for a cake or something. It was a monotonous activity, surely, but she looked beautiful doing even that. Even if Dia couldn’t have her, that wouldn’t stop her from coming back. Even if they were just friends. Besides, sitting in the corner with Kanan had actually become a little...fun.

 

Still, that didn’t stop Dia from wanting. Cradling her chin in one of her hands, Dia grabbed a red crayon and began to draw a heart torn in half.

* * *

Dia shivered as she walked into her and her father’s shared office. It was so early that not even he was there. Amazingly, it was colder in the office than it was outside...or perhaps that was just in Dia’s imagination. Either way, Dia was ready to get settled and pray for some heat to waft in.

 

However, she stopped in her tracks as she was unpacking her satchel. She didn’t have her notebook.

 

That usually wouldn’t have been a problem, but there was a meeting that day, and her father would surely scold her if she wasn’t taking notes and bringing up points from their last meeting. Dia shut her eyes and retraced her steps, and they all were leading her to one place: Kunikida Bakery. As she ate her cookies and drank her tea the day before, she had looked over notes from previous meetings, preparing for the next day.

 

Dia groaned and checked her watch. It was seven thirty in the morning on a Sunday; the bakery wasn’t open for business, but Hanamaru was surely there, prepping for the upcoming business day. Dia pulled her coat back on and bustled down to the ground floor. It was only a mild convenience, so she wasn’t panicking...

 

But the panic set in when she saw Hanamaru and Mari standing in front of the bakery, with Hanamaru in hysterics.

 

Dia ran the rest of the way, but Hanamaru didn’t even look up. The journal was forgotten by then. “What’s going on here? Is everything alri-”

 

“Kanan-chan is missing,” Hanamaru wailed, her face red and tear-streaked. Dia was in awe. Had she ever seen Hanamaru like that before? “Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh-”

 

“Calm down, Hanamaru-chan! She couldn’t have gone far,” Mari consoled.

 

Dia understood how Hanamaru was feeling. After all, she had grown closer to Kanan than she had ever thought she would. However, being a nervous wreck wasn’t going to get anything done. Naturally, Dia took charge. “When did you last see her? How long has it been?”

 

“Only a couple of minutes,” Mari replied, since Hanamaru obviously wasn’t in any place to. “We were unloading some supplies from the car. We walked back out of the bakery and she had made her way out of the car seat and was gone!”

 

“Okay. Then, you're right. She couldn't have gone far. Let's spread out,” Dia suggested. She had wanted them to walk in different directions to cover as much area as possible, but leaving Hanamaru alone wasn't really an option. “Alright. I'll look across the street, you two cover this side. Let's get moving before she gets too far.”

 

Dia gave Mari a nod and crossed the street. She caught a glimpse of her father walking into the building they worked in, but she was more focused on finding Kanan. Dia kept her eyes slightly downward, looking for any sign of Kanan’s bun. Dia swore to herself when she realized she had no idea what Kanan was wearing that day. How could she be so stupid, not even bothering to ask? As childish as it was, Dia said a silent, regretful prayer to herself: _God, please bring Kanan back. I'll never call her a brat again, I'll color with her all she wants...I'll even give her a hug!_

 

Every second felt even more terrifying. Then, seconds turned to long, long minutes. Dia ran back to the bakery, hoping that her searching was for nothing and that Mari and Hanamaru had already found Kanan. However, they were just walking back as well, and Kanan was nowhere near them. “Let’s call the police, Maru-chan. We've wasted a lot of time,” Mari said. She was crying by then, too, although her face wasn't as pink as Maru’s.

 

“I'll do it,” Dia said, pulling her phone out. Before she could dial the number, though, she saw a text on her notification bar, from her father. Dia scowled. She didn't want to hear his scolding because he saw her running up and down the street frantically, asking people if they had seen Kanan.

 

However, the text said something completely different: _Some kid is here to see you. Where the hell are you? Get over here, NOW._

 

“Wait. Shit. Does Kanan know where I work?”

 

Dia turned to Hanamaru, who had her face in her hands. “I-I think so. She knows the building, at least...why? Is she there?! Please say yes, Dia-chan!”

 

“I-I think so,” Dia said. Hoping that she wasn't wasting time, she called her father’s desk phone, biting her lip.

 

He didn't even bother to say hello. “Are you out of your mind, letting some kid waltz into my office? She was sitting at the front desk with your damn notebook! Now we're fifteen minutes late. Are you proud of yourself?”

 

Dia sighed in relief. “I-I'm sorry. I'll be right there. She has blue hair, right?”

 

“So you _do_ know this kid?”

 

Dia hung up, after getting the confirmation she needed. She could deal with her lecture later. “Everything is fine, Hanamaru-san. She's at my office, so-”

 

“I won't believe you till I see her!” Hanamaru's face was so suddenly furious that Dia almost felt threatened, like she was going head-to-head with an angry mama bear. “Take me there!”

 

Mari in tow, they marched over to Dia’s building. Apparently, Dia’s father couldn't wait to get rid of Kanan; he was right there in the lobby, gripping her by her shoulder. As always, Kanan seemed oblivious to the trouble around her, clutching Dia’s notebook in her tiny fingers. When she saw Dia, she lit up, waving it in the air. “There you are, zura! You left this yesterday, so I brought it back for you!”

 

Dia couldn't even get her long, _long_ angry speech out. Hanamaru was running over to Kanan and scooping her up with one arm and hugging Dia’s father with the other. _Like mother, like daughter,_ Dia thought sourly. “Thank you so much, sir!”

 

Hanamaru's sweet, simple nature must have been contagious, or at least disarming; Dia’s father was standing there, dumbstruck. Kanan mirrored his expression, obviously confused by all the teary faces.

 

“Dia, come with me. Now.” He hissed. Dia took her journal from Kanan’s hands, sighing. The relief and happiness from finding Kanan was starting to wear off, giving way to panic.

 

“Come by the bakery later, okay, Dia-chan?” Dia raised her eyebrows. She wasn't used to Hanamaru referring to her so casually, but...it sounded nice.

 

“Y-yes, as soon as I can,” Dia said. She glanced at her father’s stern expression, then cleared her throat. Hanamaru was really making her go soft. She had an image to maintain. “Keep that kid of yours under wraps. Please.”

* * *

One meeting and a straight hour of admonishing later, Dia was told to get out of her father’s sight. Fine with her. She was tired of his complaining and ready to see Hanamaru again. More than that, she wanted to see Kanan. After all, she had made a couple of promises to the powers-that-be, and she intended to uphold them.

 

However, when she got down to the bakery, Kanan was nowhere to be found. Hanamaru wasn’t doing her usual singing-and-serving routine, either. Mari laughed and waved. “If it isn’t Dia-sama, our hero of the day! You just missed Maru-chan and Kanan-chan.”

 

“Oh? Where did they head off to?” Dia noticed that the same weird blue-haired girl from days before was behind the counter, pulling cookies out of the oven. Dia watched as she nearly dropped the tray.

 

“She left me and Yoshiko-chan in charge. She was a nervous wreck,” Mari sighed. “I mean, I was crying too and all, but she could hardly focus. It’s like she couldn’t let Kanan-chan out of her sight. I put her on bedrest.”

 

Dia was glad Mari was taking care of Hanamaru, but she had taken Hanamaru’s invitation to come back to heart. “Is that so...? Huh. I guess I’ll have to just see her tomorrow, then.”

 

“No, no,” Mari said. Dia glanced at the blue-haired weird kid again. Dia had a feeling that she could destroy the whole bakery if unattended. Mari swiped an old receipt from a pile, grabbing a pen and writing on it quickly. She handed it to Dia, grinning. “Here’s her address. Go nuts.”

 

Dia took the paper gingerly, as if it were a bar of gold being handed to her by a goddess. The address wasn’t far from there. If Dia was quick, she could catch a bus there and be back in time for her father to not even know she was gone. “W-wait,” Dia said, looking around nervously. “Her husband isn’t home this time of day, is he...? Is he even in town?”

 

“Husband?” Mari cocked her head, the bright smile disappearing from her face. Even Yoshiko paused, staring at Dia with wide eyes. “Why, Maru-chan’s a widow.”


	3. Chapter 3

Dia got off the bus to Hanamaru’s neighborhood with a heavy heart and a heavy mind. What could Mari have meant? She refused to further elaborate, telling Dia that Hanamaru was the person to ask. The only conclusion that Dia came to was that Kanan was lying. Kanan did have a rather active imagination. However, the weird fantasies she had tried to convince Dia to believe were much more outrageous than the simple idea of her having a father. Kanan liked to make Dia think she was three times her age, or that she had been on a rocketship to the moon before. Why lie about something so mundane?

 

Dia resolved to get to the bottom of it that day. Not only to satisfy her curiosity, but to let her know what she should do from then on. Her interest in Hanamaru only seemed to grow. When she saw Hanamaru crying in front of the bakery that morning, she felt like she was being torn in half. Dia wanted to know her more, wanted to know the woman that was giving her feelings that she had never had before...but she didn’t want to put herself in a place to be heartbroken, either. As hard of a pill as it was to swallow, she knew that if Hanamaru really _was_ married, she would have to back off, even if it stung.

 

Keeping that in mind, Dia rang the doorbell to Hanamaru’s house. It was small and humble, one of those little homes that you’d see on old-timey gardening commercials. It was white, but Dia could see it in a pale yellow or green. She thought back to the decoration of the bakery and smiled. When she looked at the bushes flanking the porch, she saw a stuffed dolphin in them, probably long-forgotten by Kanan.

 

“What’s the password, what’s the password?!”

 

Dia looked down to where Kanan’s voice would be coming from, instinctively. Kanan was talking through the door, yelling loud so Dia could hear her.

 

“Seriously?! Go get your mom, or just let me in.”

 

“That’s not the password, zura.”

 

Dia clenched her teeth. Fine. She’d play along. “Um...is it ‘password’?”

 

Dia heard disappointed mumbling behind the door. She smacked her palm on her forehead. Kanan must not have learned how obvious that was yet. “No. I-it’s not! Buu buu!”

 

 _“Buu buu”? Did she...pick that up from me? I don’t remember her saying that before I did._ Before Dia could guess again, she heard Hanamaru’s voice. Even without seeing her, Dia’s heart started to beat faster. How could she let herself be caught like that...? “Kanan-chan! Who’s at the door?”

 

“It’s Dia-chan, but she doesn’t know the password-”

 

“D-Dia-chan? Is it, really? You better not be making up stories again...!”

 

After a bit of scuffling between Hanamaru and Kanan, presumably with Hanamaru trying to wrestle Kanan away from the door, the door swung open. Dia gasped a little bit before she could stop herself. She had never seen Hanamaru with her hair down before, since she had always tied it back when she was working at the bakery. Not only that, but she had on glasses. Dia felt a little bit out of place in her dress shirt and pencil skirt, since Hanamaru was only in an oversized t-shirt and Kanan was in a dinosaur onesie.

 

Hanamaru didn’t seem to take notice of how she looked in comparison to Dia, smiling warmly. “Dia-chan! What a nice surprise, zura! Thank you _so_ much for earlier, by the way! Sorry that you had to see me all frazzled...”

 

Dia found it a bit alarming how Hanamaru didn’t even think to ask how Dia knew where she lived. “It was just the right thing to do. You and Mari-san seemed to need a little help. Besides, I’m partly to blame for leaving my notebook, aren’t I?”

 

“Not at all,” Hanamaru said, her eyebrows shooting up. Kanan was hugging Hanamaru’s leg, eavesdropping with a fair amount of stealth. “Come in, come in!”

 

Hanamaru shuffled to the side, Kanan still latched onto her calf. The inside was just as quaint as the outside. It looked a little like what Dia remembered her grandmother’s house to look like. The only touch of youth was the numerous toys and stuffed animals scattered about floor of the living room, which Dia took a seat in. “You have a lovely home-”

 

“Dia-chan, lemme show you my toys,” Kanan said. Dia groaned inwardly. She had grown to like Kanan, but she wanted to have a moment alone with Hanamaru for once. It sometimes felt like they had hardly said two words to each other. The urge to get closer to Hanamaru was only getting stronger and stronger.

 

“We can do that later, alright? Go play by yourself for a bit, zura,” Hanamaru suggested gently. Much to Dia’s surprise, Kanan simply picked up one of her toys and flounced off to another part of the house. Hanamaru sighed and deflated as she did, sitting next to Dia and crossing her ankles. “I hope she hasn’t been too much for you, zura. I know she can be a bit of a handful.”

 

Dia laughed breathily, averting her eyes. “No, no. She reminds me of myself. Although, I wasn’t as brave at that age...a little more cautious.”

 

“I hope she gets to the more cautious point, zura. I don’t want to scare her, but she needs to know that not everybody in the world is so nice,” Hanamaru said. She had a forlorn look on her face for a moment, but then she turned to Dia. Dia glanced at her fingers. No ring. It would make sense for her to not wear it at work, to avoid losing it or damaging it while she baked, but at home...? Maybe she hadn’t had the chance to put it on yet. “Would you like some tea? Coffee, zura?”

 

“Ah, yes. Coffee will do. Black.”

 

Hanamaru nodded, standing and walking off into the kitchen. From there, Dia made her plan of action. Bonding with Hanamaru could come later. First, she had to get to the bottom of the whole husband situation. Dia knew better than to go messing around with a married woman...no matter how sweet or beautiful or voluptuous or sexy or-

 

“It should be finished in a moment,” Hanamaru said, sitting down. “You’ve been by the bakery, right, zura? Please tell me it’s still standing...”

 

Dia chuckled. “I’m guessing those aren’t some of the more reliable friends of yours.”

 

“Yoshiko-chan is a little...clumsy, zura. And Mari-chan is just Mari-chan. One of them told you the place to find me, huh?”

 

“I was a little concerned that you didn’t ask me about that...”

 

“It’s not like you’re unwelcome,” Hanamaru said, so quickly that Dia jumped back a little. Hanamaru laughed, a bit nervously. Her cheeks were always rosy, as if she had just gotten over a giggling fit, but they turned even redder. “If I’m being honest, I’ve always wanted to get to know you a little more. I’m getting a little jealous of Kanan-chan.”

 

That wasn’t something Dia expected hear from someone who had a husband waiting for her. Or, perhaps, Dia was looking at the situation through rose-colored lenses. No matter what the situation was, though, she had to force her heart to go back to a regular pattern of beating after hearing those words. She felt a little less alone, like her attraction was a little less one-sided. _She really is making me go soft, isn’t she?_ Dia had to quickly remind herself that there was an urgent issue at hand. “Speaking of Kanan,” Dia said, inspecting her nails. “We were having a conversation the other day, and she mentioned...her father?”

 

The blush disappeared from Hanamaru’s face immediately. “Oh. D-did she, now...?”

 

Dia had either expected Hanamaru to laugh and tell Dia what a great man her husband was, or to blame the made-up story on Kanan’s silly antics. Instead, Dia got a shell-shocked Hanamaru. All of the previous warmth and friendliness had disappeared, replaced with apprehension. Dia saw no use in beating around the bush. “I take it this is a sensitive subject.”

 

“That’s...a nice way to put it, zura.” Hanamaru sighed. “Maybe we should have this conversation over a nice dinner, instead. My treat. Are you free tonight?”

 

Dia perked up. The circumstances weren’t the best, but was she getting a date with Hanamaru? She didn’t allow herself to get too excited. Between what Kanan said and what Mari said, Dia wasn’t sure what to think, and Hanamaru seemed like she was going to stay tight-lipped until they were fully alone. “Yes, I’m free. But, my treat.” Before Hanamaru could argue, Dia was insisting, “You’ve had a rough day. The least I could do is treat you to a nice evening.”

 

Hanamaru smiled. “You’re too kind, Dia-chan. And thanks for being patient with me. It’s just-” Dia’s phone buzzed in her purse, and Hanamaru cut herself off. “Oh, jeez. I hope that’s not Papa Kurosawa.”

 

“It probably is. I’m sorry, but we might have to do the coffee later,” Dia said apologetically. “How about I come back here around eight?”

 

“Sounds good! I’ll get Mari-chan to watch over Kanan-chan tonight. See you then, okay?”

 

Dia nodded. She was even more frustrated than usual about her and Hanamaru being suddenly interrupted or separated. What was this secret that Hanamaru was keeping? More specifically, was Dia allowed to make a move or not? She would hate to piss off Hanamaru’s hypothetical husband. “Tell Kanan-chan I said bye, alright? Hopefully she won’t be too torn up about me leaving without-”

 

“I’m here, I’m here!” Kanan came running from the back of the house, immediately latching onto Dia’s leg and hugging it tight. Dia watched with a look of shock. Not because Kanan had hugged her, but because she wasn’t even disgusted by it. Dia reached an arm down and patted Kanan’s head. “See you at dinner tonight.”

 

Dia scowled. Of course she had been listening in... “Kanan, you’re _not_ going, it’s just-” Dia turned to Hanamaru. “Actually, I’ll let you handle that. I’ve got to get back to the office.”

 

“I’m on it, zura,” Hanamaru said, with a playful salute. After wrestling Kanan off of her leg, Dia speed-walked her way to the bus station, hoping she wasn’t going to get fired when she got back to work.

* * *

Dia had moved out of her father’s house as soon as she completed college. She knew she needed some privacy and the freedom to go where she wanted when she wanted without being questioned. The more fierce, independent side of her had battled it out with her obedient side, and the fiery side won, so she bought herself a little one-bedroom apartment. Dia looked around, a bit nervous. She hadn’t been on the dating scene in a while, and while she valued cleanliness, her apartment wasn’t the most interesting place in Japan. What on Earth would happen if she ever got the chance to bring Hanamaru there...?

 

Dia shook the thought out of her head. After all, she wasn’t even sure Hanamaru was _into women,_ let alone single. Dia tried to think back to when she thought she was straight. Did she go around asking girls to dinner, her treat? Did she blush and look up through her eyelashes, telling potential friends that she wanted to get to know them better in a coquettish tone?

 

_Wait, wait. Who cares about what I did when I thought I was straight? I was still gay! Damn it..._

 

Another dead-end. Dia was torn. Still, as she climbed into her car, she convinced herself that all would be solved that night, and she could finally be at peace. During the ten-minute car ride, she was going over the possibilities in the most broad (and comforting) way possible: she confessed her attraction to Hanamaru and was denied, or she confessed it and was accepted. Either way, she was going to make her feelings known. As head-over-heels as she was, she hadn’t lost her common sense. Hanamaru had feelings, too, and Dia would respect them. With that in mind, Dia pulled up to Hanamaru’s house with a fairly calm mind...at least, compared to before. She gave her makeup the once-over, double-checked her outfit. Not that she needed to. If there was one thing Dia Kurosawa knew how to do, it was how to look flawless.

 

Hanamaru’s house had a different kind of coziness at nighttime. During the day it made Dia think of naps and lemonade in the summer, but at night, it made her think of catching fireflies after dark and curling up in bed for a deep, deep sleep. She stepped up to the front door and rang the doorbell, and, thankfully, she wasn’t met with Kanan guarding the door. Instead, she saw Hanamaru, her hair pulled up in a bun. Unlike her bakery bun, though, it was neater, more deliberate. She looked more mature than usual, wearing a black evening gown and a necklace.

 

Dia opened her mouth to compliment Hanamaru, but Hanamaru put a finger to her lips, pointing behind her. Dia looked over at the couch where she had sat earlier; Mari was laying on it, remote in hand, flipping through the channels. Kanan was fast asleep on top of her, her hand clutching Mari’s shoulder tight. Once again, Dia got that feeling of wanting to snuggle up to someone and fall asleep... “Sorry. It was so hard to get her to sleep, zura. She’s not used to me going out.”

 

Hanamaru waved goodbye to Mari, and then they stepped out into the cold air of the night. Dia shivered. “Let’s get in the car so I can run the heat. It’s freezing cold...”

 

“That just means we’re one step closer to Christmas,” Hanamaru said cheerfully. Her happiness was contagious.

 

As soon as they were in the car, Dia took a closer look at Hanamaru. Admittedly, most of that closer look was dedicated to the dip in her dress that showed off her cleavage. Dia admired the part of Hanamaru that made her smile and feel warm inside, but she’d have been lying to herself if she didn’t admit how _stacked_ Hanamaru was. On the way to the restaurant, Dia managed to keep her eyes on the road as they made small talk. Through their conversation, Dia learned a couple of things: Hanamaru thought milk was gross, loved to read, and didn’t want any more kids, to name a few. Dia told Hanamaru that she had a little sister (to which Hanamaru replied “of _course_ you’re an older sibling”), liked pop music, and hated exercise.

 

However, no matter how many interesting tidbits Dia learned about Hanamaru, she still didn’t figure out the mystery behind her husband.

 

 _Patience, Dia. She’ll say something soon._ Dia didn’t want to ruin their evening with tension, but even as they sat down, she was thinking of ways to bring it up to Hanamaru. The ambience of the restaurant was calming, though, which was a given considering how upscale it was. _Oh, God, I didn’t even think about that. Does picking an expensive restaurant give away my intentions...?_

 

“Dia-chan? Are you alright? You don’t have to be so nervous, you know.”

 

Dia shook her head a little bit, trying to get herself to focus. They had just ordered a bottle of wine, although Hanamaru said she didn’t drink much. Dia had a feeling she was going to need a drink soon, though, if things went how they were going in her mind... “Yes, I-I’m fine. I was just thinking...ah...”

 

Hanamaru laughed, looking down at her menu. “Yeah. I know. I guess we should address the elephant in the room, huh?”

 

“Mari-san...she said you were a widow?”

 

“That’s true.”

 

Dia felt a bit of relief, but it was immediately followed by disgust with herself. She was sitting across from a woman who had lost her husband, and yet there she was, feeling happy because she might have a chance at getting laid. “I’m sorry for your loss,” Dia said. Hanamaru seemed a little shocked by that, as if she herself weren’t aware of where her husband had gone. “But...Kanan said...that he travels?”

 

“That’s also true, zura.” Dia blinked. “To her, I mean. It’s...” Hanamaru sighed. Before, a sad expression on her face had been childish to Dia, almost bratty. Right then, though, with the candlelight playing across her cheeks, Dia could see her anguish. “Promise you won’t judge me, if you haven’t started already.”

 

“You have my word.”

 

“Kazuo-kun...my husband...he died when Kanan-chan was three. And I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to pull myself together, for Kanan-chan’s sake.” Hanamaru paused, then smiled. “She’s a really smart little girl. So she noticed when he didn’t come home. And I was ready to do everything else...you know, raising her by myself, taking care of things around the house. But I was at a loss when it came to explaining it to her. So...I told her he was away on business. And sometimes, he comes home, but when he does, she’s asleep.” Dia was astonished. Hanamaru had made her late husband out to be Santa Claus? “But, like I said, she’s no dummy. She smelled something fishy. So I started getting little knick-knacks. The kind at gift shops and stuff. And I’d tell her they were from him.”

 

Dia was a bit surprised that Kanan had been telling the truthーor, at least, _her_ truth. Kanan had even mentioned the gifts. It was a lot to consider, but Dia could understand it. How _did_ you explain death to a child, a child that young? Dia wondered what happened to Kazuo, but she knew better than to ask. “I want you to know that I understand you, and what you’re trying to do. But...but how long do you think...”

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Hanamaru said. The waiter came with the bottle of red wine, then. For someone who didn’t drink, Hanamaru sure poured herself a hefty glass. When the waiter left, she repeated, “I don’t know. But I have to keep taking care of Kanan-chan. Even if that means lying for a bit.”

 

Dia’s heart was melting. She wasn’t the most empathetic person, but the thought of Hanamaru’s situation nearly brought her to tears. Her partner in life dying so young, only for her to relive the painful memory every day through their only child? Dia felt the urge to protect her, even if Hanamaru was the more motherly one between the two of them. “I’m glad we got that out of the way, but I’m guessing you need a break from all of that.”

 

“Boy, do I. Kanan-chan sticks to me like glue. I love her to pieces, but a night out was well-needed, zura.”

 

“And well-deserved,” Dia said. She thought back to the first day she had seen Hanamaru. Her first thoughts were “lazy”, “irresponsible”, “unstable”. Even in the days after that, she thought some of the same, after noticing how laidback Hanamaru was all of the time. But she quickly came to realize how untrue that was. Hanamaru was probably bearing more than Dia had ever dreamed of bearing, and yet she was still smiling, still singing to herself in the middle of her bakery while Kanan clung to her leg. There was something to admire there, in Dia’s eyes. “Now, what’s this I hear about you saying I look like a penguin?”

* * *

Hanamaru wasn’t kidding when she said she needed a nice night out. Dia limited herself to a glass of wine, knowing that she was the designated driver for the night, and Hanamaru indulged herself in the rest of the bottle, not wanting it to “go to waste”. By the time they left the restaurant, Hanamaru had looped an arm around Dia’s midriff, leaning on her. Hanamaru was all giggles and softness and rosy cheeks, laughing at herself when she nearly fell getting into the car. It was like she was her usual sweet, cutesy self, except ten times more flirtatious (after confessing to Dia that she was “furiously” bisexual). If Dia had been just a bit more tipsy, she might have sworn she was with the devil. To be more specific, a devil that could eat like Dia had never seen before.

 

“Dia-chan,” Hanamaru purred, the moment they got in the car. “Are you red because you’ve been drinking, or because you’ve been staring at me all night long?”

 

“St-staring? I was doing no such thing,” Dia said. It was quite obviously a lie, but her self-control went down very quickly when she caught the slightest glimpse of Hanamaru’s breasts. Her tattered apron didn’t do her chest justice.

 

“You’re always staring, zura,” Hanamaru said, feigning anger. “Every time I turn around, you’re undressing me with your eyes...”

 

 _That,_ Dia could deny. While she did watch Hanamaru around her bakery often, it was more out of genuine interest and affection than anything debauched. Hanamaru seemed to be enjoying herself, though, so Dia didn’t protest. Plus, Dia wasn’t sure she’d ever see Hanamaru acting so loose again, and it was quite the show. “It’s not my fault you’re nice to look at. Although, maybe a little too odd at times...”

 

Hanamaru seemed to have missed the second part completely. “You’re not too bad yourself, Dia-chan. You’re so...I dunno. Powerful, zura.”

 

“‘Powerful’?” Dia’s car slowed to a stop in front of Hanamaru’s house, but neither of them made moves to get out. Dia wouldn’t have minded sitting there forever, ignoring the more productive part of her that told her they both had lives to lead. Dia had a business that she had to take over soon, and Hanamaru had Kanan to watch over, not to mention the bakery.

 

But Dia felt so _happy._ More happy than she had ever been. The first day Dia walked into the bakery, she had tried so hard to suppress that feeling. Something that made her warm from the inside out, pulled her in. Dia couldn’t deny herself the pleasure anymore.

 

She was falling in love.

 

Dia watched Hanamaru animatedly talk about how strong Dia looked, comparing her to mythological characters that Dia hardly remembered. She was laughing, smiling, stumbling over her own words and questioning her own narratives. Dia was mesmerized. She was so radiant, so bubbly. Dia cursed herself for falling in love so quickly, praised herself for letting go for once. Dia wanted to watch her talk until she couldn’t talk anymore, but Hanamaru stopped herself.

 

“You’re staring again,” Hanamaru said, laughing.

 

“I-I was watching you because you were talking. It’s only right to make eye contact during a conversation.”

 

Hanamaru snorted and laughed. Dia was a little overwhelmed. There was a lot she could handle, but Hanamaru being so adorable was really pushing it. “You weren’t looking at my eyes, zura. You were looking right here,” Hanamaru said, pressing a finger to her lips.

 

Dia bit her tongue. Had her gaze drifted to Hanamaru’s lips during her reverie? She couldn’t be sure, but that didn’t matter. Hanamaru was obviously inviting her, and Dia wasn’t in any place to deny her. Without another word, Dia released the steering wheel, cupping Hanamaru’s cheeks and kissing those plump lips that she had been watching. Hanamaru jumped a little, as if surprised by how forward Dia was, but she quickly softened, holding Dia’s hips. Dia was a bit glad that the console of her car separated them, because if it hadn’t, she might have jumped on Hanamaru in a way that was _very_ unladylike.

 

Dia wasn’t thinking, for once; her mind had gone on a break, and her body was taking control. Never mind the fact that Hanamaru was probably still grieving, or that they had just met a month ago. Dia had finally immersed herself in her feelings, and it felt so damn _good_ to be indulgent.

 

Hanamaru pulled back with a tiny gasp, eyes wide. “Who knew you were such an animal,” she said, grinning slyly.

 

“It’s only for you,” Dia argued. Then, she realized how odd that sounded. “I-I mean...that’s not to say I-”

 

“No, that’s fine. It wouldn’t be as sexy as it is if you did it for everybody, right? You can keep acting stuffy around everyone else, zura.”

 

“Being responsible and careful doesn’t mean I’m stuffy, you know. You ought to exercise a little more caution yourself. Really, one might think that the only thing you give a hundred percent to is Kanan...”

 

Hanamaru hummed. “That might be true, actually. As long as Kanan-chan’s good, I’m good.”

 

It was a very narrow view (or perhaps too wide of a view), but the sentiment behind it was understandable. Dia had had enough chatting, though, and was ready to get back to business...

 

But then an ear-crushing metal song rang out through the car.

 

“Agh! What _is_ that?!” As surprised as Dia was, Hanamaru seemed to be unaffected, pulling her phone out of her purse. Dia was a little disgusted when she saw that it was a flip-phone.

 

“Sorry, that’s Mari-chan’s ringtone,” Hanamaru said. “I hope nothing’s wrong...” Dia felt her blood go cold. What if something was wrong with Kanan? Dia was sure she was worried more than Hanamaru for a moment. Seeing Kanan go missing that morning had taken a toll on her. She was put at ease when Hanamaru laughed. “Kanan-chan, how did you get Mari-chan’s phone, zura? ...Yes, yes, I’m _very_ proud that you memorized my number. Good job. But you should be asleep! It’s past bedtime.” Dia was amazed at how quickly Hanamaru seemed to sober up. She had gone from tipsy sex kitten to doting mother in a matter of seconds. “I know. I’m sorry. But I’ll be right in, okay? You can go ahead and get in my bed...you can wait up for me, but it’s night-night when I get in, okay?”

 

Dia smiled as they hung up. The flirty Hanamaru had been a nice change, but there was something so simple and pure about the way she talked to Kanan. “I’m guessing you have to go for tonight?”

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry, zura. She tried to climb in my bed and started crying when I wasn’t there, so Mari-chan let her call me,” Hanamaru said, unbuckling her seatbelt. “We definitely have to go out again, Dia-chan. I had a lot of fun. And...thanks for understanding.”

 

“I have to admit that I don’t really get it, since I’ve never have a kid,” Dia confessed. “But your devotion to her says enough for me. She’ll be fine as long as you’re there for her and keep doing your best.”

 

Hanamaru grinned. “So much for me being lazy, right?”

 

“I’ll give you your due credit,” Dia teased. “See you tomorrow?”

 

“I’ll have some matcha cookies waiting,” Hanamaru said. Dia watched her walk to the door, with Kanan latching onto her as soon as it opened. Dia honked once, waved, and drove away, trying to hold on to the ghost of Hanamaru’s lips on hers.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one (1) booby gets touched near the end of this. you've been warned

_ One step closer to Christmas, she says...and yet, here I am, working myself to the bone. _ Dia looked at the bottom right corner of her laptop. The date was the twentieth, and yet, she felt no Christmas cheer. Before meeting Hanamaru, Dia was content to work through any holiday, but as she recounted the memories of her and Hanamaru’s fourth date earlier that night, she was suddenly feeling more trapped than usual. She wanted to be back at the movie theater, watching expressions fly across Hanamaru’s face during fight scenes. She wanted to be back in her car, listening to Hanamaru sing along to the radio and coaxing Dia to join in.

 

She wanted to be with Hanamaru.

 

Dia’s father had gone home hours ago. It was nearing midnight, and Dia was considering sleeping over at the office. She was so tired that the buzzing of her phone startled her. She picked it up, squinting at the screen. Surprisingly, it was a text from Hanamaru.

 

_ You better not be awake!! _

 

Dia smiled. Hanamaru had been scolding her for staying too late at the office lately.  _ Sorry, Mother, but I have piles of work to do. Why are YOU awake? _

 

_ I’m busy. You can guess what I’m doing, if you want~ _

 

That sounded like a welcome distraction. Dia shut her laptop, leaning over her phone and watching her screen carefully as she thought. Given the fact that Hanamaru had to press one key three times to type a single letter on her ancient phone, combined with the fact that she had no idea how phones worked, Dia knew she’d have to wait a bit for a response, but she didn’t mind. She gave her first guess:  _ Reading. _

 

The response came fairly quickly, but then again, it was only two letters:  _ No _

 

_ Just got out of the shower? _

 

_ No. Get your mind out of the gutter _

 

_ I never said bathing was something lewd. You took it in that direction. _

 

_ But I bet your face is as red as a tomato now~ _

 

Dia clenched her teeth. Hanamaru wasn’t wrong...  _ Give me a hint. _

 

_ Is the great Dia Kurosawa GIVING UP?!?!?!?!?! _

 

_ No, I just want a hint! _

 

_ Okay. Christmas _

 

Dia scoffed.  _ Easy. Putting up a tree. _

 

_ Nope! Me and Kanan-chan do that together~ _

 

_ Christmas shopping? _

 

_ At midnight?  _

 

_ I’m guessing that’s a no. Okay, last guess before I call it quits: making a Christmas list. _

 

_ You got me! So many presents, so little time~ _

 

_ “So little time” is right. Christmas is right around the corner. It’s irresponsible to procrastinate. _

 

_ Give me a break. Every year I get trampled by other moms looking to get the same toys that Kanan-chan wants! It’s a disaster!! Is it so wrong for me to put it off a little bit~? _

 

They texted back and forth until Dia could hardly hold her eyes open, talking about everything from trends in the shopping season to Christmas traditions. Dia was a little ashamed to admit that her family rarely got together anymore for Christmas. In fact, both her and her father were usually working. Hanamaru was pretty much the exact opposite, usually meeting up with all of her extended family for dinner.

 

_ It’ll just be me, Yoshiko-chan, Mari-chan and Kanan-chan this year, though. It’s supposed to be snowy this Christmas so I don’t think my family will be able to make the drive here :(  _ Dia bit her tongue. If she kept working hard, up until Christmas Eve, she would be able to have Christmas off. She stared at her phone for a bit, debating on whether or not to take the plunge, but then Hanamaru made the decision for her.  _ You’re free to come over and spend the day with us if you want! Kanan-chan would be so happy to have you over. _ Dia’s heart jumped excitedly. Before she could reply, Hanamaru sent another message.  _ Oh!! I’d be happy too, of course!! _

 

_ I’ll be there, then. _

 

Hanamaru told Dia that she could come a bit earlier if she wanted breakfast, which Dia couldn’t decline; Hanamaru was an excellent cook. The problem with that was that Kanan opened her gifts right after they ate, and Dia knew she would look like a fool if she didn’t bring gifts. She had planned on getting something for Hanamaru and Kanan either way, but she had assumed that she wouldn’t actually see them on the day of Christmas...

 

Kanan was probably easy to shop for, but Dia had no idea what to get Hanamaru. Sure, she knew where Hanamaru’s interests lied, but getting her a book or some kind of kitchen utensil wasn’t a gift to give to someone who you were courting. Analytical as always, Dia came to a simple conclusion: her Christmas gift would determine where there relationship would go next. Or, at least, it would say where Dia wanted to take it. She wanted her interest in Hanamaru to be clear, and something simple wouldn’t say that. Dia texted Hanamaru and wished her good night, turning the lights out in the office and leaving out. Perhaps the drive to her house would give her a good opportunity to think.

* * *

Christmas came quickly. Just like Hanamaru had said, it was snowing heavily throughout the whole week. Both of them were hard at work, though; Hanamaru was fulfilling cake orders for people who, in Dia’s opinion, were too lazy to make their own desserts, and Dia was both filling her quota for work and Christmas shopping. Hanamaru wasn’t kidding when she said mothers were willing to trample people to buy some toys for their kids, but Dia was no coward. She hit every toy store imaginable and pushed through crowds that she couldn’t even see through, and before she knew it, she had more toys for Kanan than she could fit in the trunk of her car.

 

Dia was worrying about Hanamaru’s gift right up until Christmas Eve, when she finally caved and bought Hanamaru a silver charm bracelet. It seemed like the most reasonable piece of jewelry to buy for Hanamaru. Dia never saw her with earrings, and a necklace didn’t fit her in Dia’s mind. A ring would have felt a little  _ too _ romantic, even if the proposal connotation wasn’t behind it. 

 

Dia was up until almost midnight on Christmas Eve wrapping gifts, but the next morning, she was far too excited to be sleepy. She put on the most festive sweater she could find, even though it was a little itchy, along with some khakis. Hanamaru had insisted that Dia spend the night, so she had packed an overnight bag as well. She fought to keep her thoughts straight as she imagined sleeping in the same bed with Hanamaru. Of course, her thoughts weren’t entirely impure. There was a certain warmth that Hanamaru and Kanan already gave Dia, but spending the holiday with them made it even better.  _ And I suppose I can count on Yoshiko-san and Mari-san to keep things...interesting, to say the least, _ Dia thought. 

 

By the time Dia pulled up to Hanamaru’s house, it was nine, and she hoped she wasn’t too late for breakfast. There was a car next to Hanamaru’s in the driveway, so Dia must have been the last to arrive. Dia parked on the street, then hauled the huge bag full of gifts that she had brought along up to the door. There were a couple more presents in her backseat, but they’d have to wait. 

 

Dia rang the doorbell, trying to adjust the weight of the bag on her shoulder. Hanamaru opened the door, with Kanan attached to her as always, but Kanan immediately let go of Hanamaru in favor of clamping onto Dia’s leg. “Dia-chan’s here, Dia-chan’s here!” 

 

To her own surprise, Dia picked Kanan up with her free arm and held her close, lugging the bag of gifts to Hanamaru’s foyer. Kanan was too preoccupied with taking off Dia’s hair clip to notice it, but Hanamaru’s eyes widened the moment she saw it. “What is all of that?!”

 

“I did a bit of Christmas shopping,” Dia said. “After all, you’re hosting, right? It’s only polite that I bring some gifts.”

 

“D-Dia-chan, it looks like you bought out a whole store, zura...”

 

“Yeah, there’s more in the car,” Dia said, setting Kanan down and taking back her hair clip. “And you call  _ me _ uptight. It’s rude to deny a gift.”

 

Hanamaru pouted. She looked ready to deny the gifts despite how rude it was, but Kanan had already opened the bag and was digging through it, putting all of her gifts into one pile after shaking them to guess what was in them.  _ I guess she doesn’t waste much time... _ “Mama, this one has your name on it,” Kanan said. She shook it, then discarded it with a sour look. “Doesn’t sound like a toy, though.”

 

“Kanan-chan, we open gifts  _ after _ breakfast. Go finish your food,” Hanamaru said. Kanan stormed off to the breakfast table. Dia looked over to the tree. It was certainly well-loved and well-decorated. It had a lot of wrapped gifts under it. Dia could tell which ones Kanan had wrapped herself, because the edges were jagged and, on some gifts, the present wasn’t even completely covered up. Dia had a cozy little vision like she had had the first day she met Hanamaru, but that time, it was of Kanan and Hanamaru sitting at the foot of the Christmas tree with hot cocoa...suddenly, Kazuo floated into the vision, and Dia shook the thought off. It wasn't quite cozy anymore.

 

Hanamaru put her hand on Dia’s shoulder, and Dia turned around, surprised. “Y-yes?”

 

“Your present is under there, too, zura,” Hanamaru said. 

 

“Really?”

 

“Mm-hm. Well...Kanan-chan’s is. Mine is back in the room. I’ll show you tonight,” Hanamaru said. Dia’s face flared up. “I hope you’re not thinking of anything dirty right now...”

 

“N-no, I’m thinking of breakfast. I’m starving,” Dia said, pushing past Hanamaru into the kitchen. Although she had breakfast on her mind, there were some other things that probably were too inappropriate to bring up during a meal.

* * *

After watching Mari try to hand-feed strawberries to Yoshiko for a bit, breakfast was finally over. Kanan was the first out of her chair, running over to the Christmas tree and shredding wrapping paper faster than Hanamaru could clean it up. The adults saved their gifts for last, not wanting to get in the Kanan gift-opening tornado. It seemed she had an affinity for plushies, particularly of sea animals, because Hanamaru had gotten her a ton and Kanan never got tired of seeing them.

 

Dia felt a dash of pride when Kanan opened her most important gift: it was a little tablet, which Dia had personally equipped with a screen protector and case. Hanamaru seemed perplexed by it, and gasped when it lit up as Kanan turned it on. “Woah! Can she get on the Internet on this thing?”

 

“Yup. You’ve gotta connect it to your Wi-Fi, though,” Dia said.

 

Hanamaru began to speak, but Yoshiko scoffed and interrupted her. “She doesn’t know what that is. Me or Mari will get it done.”

 

“Put some parental controls on it, too,” Hanamaru said, looking at the tablet suspiciously. “I don’t want her seeing anything naughty if she starts surfing the web!”

 

“Ah, y-yes...naturally,” Dia said.

 

Kanan continued opening her gifts, jumping up and down when she opened toys and forcing a smile and a “thank you” when she opened clothes. For a good portion of her life, Dia had considered a child’s smile to be a sign of mischief and annoyance, but on that Christmas Day, she felt a little bit of hope looking at Kanan. What she was hoping for, she didn’t know. 

 

Both Hanamaru and Dia had went all out for presents. Yoshiko and Mari had placed a couple under the tree as well. Eventually, though, Kanan ran out of presents to open. She seemed pleased by the turnout, looking at her neatly-arranged (thanks to Hanamaru) pile of gifts with a dumb grin on her face. “That was fun,” Kanan said. “But, now it’s time for Dia-chan to open hers.”

 

Dia had almost forgotten that she had a gift, amidst all of the joy on Kanan’s face. She wasn’t expecting much, since it was only a kid’s gift, but she prepared to give her best poker face when she opened it. After all, Kanan was a rather intuitive child, and Dia would be spotted if she ended up showing how much she didn’t care about the gift. Kanan rifled around under the tree, and Dia tried to look like she was anticipating her gift, leaning forward. It was a pretty convincing act, if she could say so herself.

 

Finally, Kanan brought her gift over to the couch where Dia was seated. It was surprisingly well-wrapped. Dia glanced over at Hanamaru, who laughed nervously. “It’s  _ her _ gift to you, but...Mama just had to lend a hand, zura.”

 

“I could have done it myself, though,” Kanan added. “That doesn’t matter now. Just open it!”

 

Kanan seemed more excited for Dia to open her gift than she was to open her own gifts. Dia pulled back the snowman-covered wrapping paper from the rectangular-shaped gift. As soon as she had revealed her gift, glitter started falling out of the package. She sighed while Mari and Kanan giggled notoriously. When she finally lifted her gift out, she saw that it was a scrapbook. The title on the cover was (“sloppily”) handwritten: “Dia and Kanan’s Art!”

 

“Art...?” Dia knitted her brow, but when she opened to the first pages, it all locked into place. On the left side of the spread was the very first drawing that she had done sitting across from Kanan: a bright, sharp diamond. On the right side of the book was Kanan’s rendition, with shaky lines and half-hearted coloring. Dia turned to the next page, where she had drawn a rose. Kanan’s was little more than a green stem with a semi-circle on top of it. Dia was astonished. She wasn’t impressed, and she hadn’t expected to be. But she felt something that was more important than being impressed. She felt warm and happy. “You kept my drawings.”

 

“Of course I did, zura! Then Mama...I mean,  _ I _ thought it would be a great idea to put them in a scrapbook!”

 

“Is that so...?” Dia threw another look Hanamaru’s way, but Hanamaru was looking away bashfully. “I...I love it. Thank you.”

 

Kanan examined Dia’s face closely, just as Dia had expected. “Really? Or are you saying you love it like I say when I get socks?”

 

“No, no. I really love it.” Dia thumbed through the pages some more: a bicycle, a dog, a dolphin, a star. Kanan had replicated each one. Probably on her own time, since Dia never saw Kanan mimicking her when they were sitting in the bakery. She stopped on the page that had her doodle of a broken heart. On the opposite page, Kanan hadn’t redrawn it, but instead, she’d drawn a regular heart. Next to it, she wrote, “be happy!”

 

Kanan gave Dia a nod and started to hand out her presents to her mother, Yoshiko, and Mari, but Dia was hardly paying attention. Instead, she was running her thumb over that sewn-together heart, knowing that it mirrored her own.

* * *

Yoshiko and Mari left before dinner, leaving Dia with Hanamaru and Kanan. For Dia, that was a bit dangerous in terms of emotions. Sitting on the floor with a cozy sweater and playing with building blocks, keeping Kanan out of the kitchen while Hanamaru finished cooking, watching Hanamaru light up the star on the Christmas tree when it got dark...it felt too much like family. Dia wasn’t exactly averse to the idea, but she hated the feelings that welled up in her when she thought of how Kazuo probably sat in the same spot as her months before. She hated how selfish she was, how she was  _ glad _ that he was gone so that she could take his place. She knew that if her thoughts were known to Hanamaru, she would be written off immediately, so she simply pushed them away and told Hanamaru that dinner smelled great.

 

Interestingly enough, Kanan had the appetite of her mother but was a much choosier eater. As Hanamaru was making Kanan’s plate, Kanan was refusing to have things that Hanamaru could have  _ sworn _ she was fine with eating last week, to the point where Hanamaru and Dia ate most of the food while Kanan shoved down her low-variety meal.

 

Hanamaru was just as chipper as ever throughout dinner, wiping food off of Kanan’s cheek and calling her a little piggy when she spilled juice in her lap. However, as soon as dinner was over and Hanamaru sent Kanan away to play while she cleaned up, Dia noticed that Hanamaru was looking a bit weary. Dia rarely saw her tired. Sometimes a bit lazy, but never tired. Of course, it only made sense; Hanamaru had been on her feet for a good portion of the day, cooking and running around with Kanan...and she  _ still _ had to worry about bathing Kanan and putting her to bed, on top of cleaning up from dinner.

 

Dia was a firm believer in hard work, but she also knew that not everybody was up to work twenty-four hours a day like her. Kanan had invited Dia to play a game of hide-and-seek, but Dia was much more occupied with Hanamaru, who was standing at the sink washing dishes. 

 

“I don’t mind helping,” Dia said, rolling her sleeves up.

 

Hanamaru shook her head, smiling brightly, although tiredly. “Dia-chan, you’re a guest. It’s nice of you to offer, but-”

 

“I wasn’t offering. I’m going to help.” Hanamaru must have known Dia well enough by then to realize that Dia was too stubborn to be argued with. They stood elbow to elbow at the sink. For a moment, it was pleasantly silent except for the sound of dishes clattering onto the drying rack, but then Hanamaru started to hum softly. She had a lovely voice, so lovely that Dia felt like the sound of her breathing was an intrusion. Still, there was something Dia wanted to mention, even if it meant interrupting Hanamaru’s little concert. “Why don’t you go relax while I give Kanan her bath? Then I’ll put her to bed while you wash up. You look a little tired.”

 

“I think that’s perpetual. It’s called ‘raising a kid by yourself’,” Hanamaru teased.

 

They finished up and dried their hands, but Dia was still insistent. “Think of it as another little Christmas gift.”

 

“‘Another’?”

 

Dia silently cursed herself. She hadn’t told Hanamaru about any gifts other than the ones for Kanan. “Y-yes, I have something in my car for you. The faster we get the bedtime routine over with, the faster I can give it to you.”

 

Hanamaru’s eyes were shining with excitement. It seemed like Dia had her caught. “Okay, fine. It’s in your hands, zura. Just be careful when you’re putting her pajamas on. She likes to kick.”

* * *

One bubble bath and a couple of frighteningly strong kicks to the chest later, the Kunikida household (and its overnight guest) was finally settling down for the night. Dia had her bath last, as Hanamaru relaxed in her bedroom and Kanan fell asleep against her brand-new extra-large dolphin plush. Dia was pleased to see Hanamaru’s hair down again when she got out of the bath, since she had tied it back while cooking. It somehow made her look more youthful when it was falling. Perhaps it complimented her round face...?

 

“You’ve got a bad habit of staring, Dia-chan,” Hanamaru said. 

 

Dia wasn’t in the mood to deny it then. She tore her eyes from Hanamaru’s face, moving them to the gift bag on the bed. It was larger compared to the tiny box in Dia’s hand. Size didn’t mean everything, but for once, Dia wasn’t feeling confident in herself. “You can open my gift first,” Dia said. 

 

She sat cross-legged on Hanamaru’s bed. Another bitter thought came up in her mind, wondering if Hanamaru and Kazuo had exchanged gifts (and much more) on that very bed before. Dia thrusted the box holding the bracelet towards Hanamaru. “So fast,” Hanamaru swooned. “If you’re so serious about it...”

 

Hanamaru took the box from Dia’s hands, lifting the lid slowly, as if she wanted to surprise herself. And, surprised she was. She took the bracelet out of the box and looked at it in her palm. “I-I thought it would be fine for you to have on in general. You know, when you’re cooking and baking and all of that...” Dia paused. Was she making it sound like she was going to force Hanamaru to wear it? “Or you can wear it whenever you want. It doesn’t really-”

 

“Oh, gosh, Dia-chan...th-thank you. It’s gorgeous. But now I don’t think my gift is up to standards,” Hanamaru said. She was blushing, placing the bracelet back in the box and looking at her own gift with hesitation.

 

“Nonsense,” Dia said.

 

“I-I mean, I did my best, but yours is a little more...let me know if you don’t like my gift, okay?”

 

Dia rolled her eyes. That was nearly impossible. Dia dragged the bag over to her, even though Hanamaru looked reluctant to let her. Dia reached in to pull her gift out, although it was wrapped in gift wrap. It was soft and gave in to Dia’s touch. Was it an article of clothing? 

 

No, it wasn’t. Dia removed all of the gift wrap, and out came a brown corduroy satchel, almost identical to the worn-out one Dia carried to work every day. The biggest difference was that on the front flap, her initials were embossed in gold letters.

 

Just like Dia, Hanamaru immediately started to explain herself. “You kept bringing that ratty ol’ thing into the bakery, so I thought you might need a new one, zura...it’s a dumb gift, I know, but there’s nothing wrong for shopping for what someone needs, right?”

 

“Of course not,” Dia said. “I...I don’t know what to say. I didn’t think you’d notice. Or care.”

 

“Of course I do! You’re such a businesswoman. You’ve gotta have a place to put...” Hanamaru paused. “Your business stuff.”

 

Dia laughed, carefully putting the satchel back in its bag. She had to go into work the day after next, and she was going to be glad to carry her new bag in with her. “It’s almost like you’re mothering me sometimes, Hanamaru.”

 

“If I was really mothering you, I would have scolded you for not eating all of the broccoli you put on your plate at dinner,” Hanamaru said. Her tone was joking, but her eyes were rather serious... “I’m not trying to mother you, zura. I just...I care about you. And I really like you.”

 

That took Dia by surprise. It certainly wasn’t unwelcome, but Hanamaru seemed to be anxiously putting weight on her words, as if she were afraid to really mean them. There was a four-letter word that described her feelings that Dia could tell she was deliberately avoiding: “love”. And, truth be told, Dia was ready to say it herself. But why wouldn’t Hanamaru? Was it because the wound from her husband’s passing was still too sore, or because she didn’t feel that way and couldn’t stand the thought of lying? “I really like you too, Hanamaru. And I’m glad I got to spend today with you and Kanan-chan.” Dia set her gift to the side, and Hanamaru did the same, looking up at Dia with adoring eyes. 

 

Dia used one hand to loop her fingers with Hanamaru’s, while the other rested on Hanamaru’s hip. They were close, then, so close that Dia could hear Hanamaru breathe. They had kissed so many times before, so Dia didn’t bother being shy, and neither did Hanamaru. There was a familiarity to it, some kind of comfort. It was even better to be doing it in Hanamaru’s bed, instead of sitting on her couch or in the front seat of Dia’s car. 

 

Hanamaru laid back and pulled Dia on top of her. They held each other close as they kissed. Dia was feeling rather brave, so she cupped Hanamaru’s breast through her nightgown, pleased by how different they felt without a bra. They must have been more sensitive, too, because Hanamaru pulled back from their kiss to try and catch her breath. “That feels nice,” Hanamaru said. “But...I don’t know if tonight is-”

 

“No, no, that’s fine. We don’t have to do anything more if you don’t want to,” Dia said. Thankfully, her conscience was speaking before her body, because her body was taking things in a wholly different direction. “But I’d like to keep kissing you, if that’s alright. Or we could just lay together.”

 

“I  _ want _ to, Dia-chan. It’s just that Kanan-chan has a habit of popping into my room to get in my bed, zura,” Hanamaru explained. Dia knew that much was true. On the night of their first date, Kanan had done exactly as Hanamaru said she had a tendency to do. “I’d love to go further, but we’ll have to do that somewhere more private.”

 

Dia kind of wished Hanamaru hadn’t said that, because her thoughts were racing after that, thinking of all the wonderful things she could do to Hanamaru. “Yeah. We can do that,” Dia said, softly. Hanamaru kissed her again, that time a bit more fervently, as if she were just  _ trying _ to get Dia riled up. Perhaps asking if Hanamaru still wanted to make out was a bad idea, because Dia couldn’t stop craving more, but they kept going, kissing and embracing until they fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's sex in this but also some plot after the secks so even if you skip the humpin' try and find...u know...the plot Advancement

The days flew by. The New Year (and Dia’s birthday) came and went. The more time Dia spent with Hanamaru and Kanan, the more she felt like she was the perfect piece to fit in their puzzling life. When she showed up to the bakery on her lunch break, there was already a table with matcha cookies and tea just for her, free of charge. Dia became Hanamaru’s go-to babysitter, although Mari would sometimes insist on spending time with Kanan instead. It felt like they were living the perfect life as the perfect couple...

 

But there was one bump in the road.

 

In the context of Dia and Hanamaru’s relationship, Dia easily forgot that Kanan still believed her father was alive. There were times when she’d lean in for a kiss, not caring that Kanan was there, and Hanamaru would make a grand display of moving out of reach. It always perplexed Dia for a moment, but then she remembered that, in Kanan’s eyes, Hanamaru was a married woman. Those situations made the divide inside of Dia very clear: there was her smarter, more understanding side, knowing that how Hanamaru chose to raise Kanan said nothing about her relationship with Dia. Then, there was the more emotional, irrational side, jumping to conclusions and assuming that Hanamaru just didn’t care enough about their relationship to make it clear to Kanan.

 

Dia ignored the latter most of the time. When she was alone, it was easy to slip into that negative way of thinking, but when she was with Hanamaru, there was no doubt in her mind that they were getting much closer. On the first day of February, her and Hanamaru were sitting at a table in a bowling alley, eating pizza to celebrate Hanamaru’s win against Dia. No matter how adorable Hanamaru looked after jumping up and down when she got a strike, Dia was still a sore loser by nature, pouting as she ate her second slice of cheese pizza.

 

“Cheer up, Dia-chan. I won’t tell anybody that I _totally_ beat you by a landslide,” Hanamaru said. Dia huffed. She wouldn’t call it a _landslide,_ exactly, but...she wasn’t really in the running to win. Was that a landslide? Dia was about to nitpick Hanamaru’s terminology, but Hanamaru was looking around the bowling alley with a curious face. “Hmm. Do you think this would be a nice place for a birthday party for Kanan-chan, zura?”

 

Dia raised an eyebrow. “She told me she wanted to go to the aquarium.”

 

“Yeah, that’s what she told me, too, but...we’ve gone _every_ year, Dia-chan. Ever since she was two,” Hanamaru said. “She never gets tired of it, but Mama does.” Dia scoffed a little, and Hanamaru flushed. “I-is that mean? I asked if she wanted to go somewhere else, but she acted like she didn’t know anywhere else to go for fun.”

 

“I think the balls might be a little too heavy for her here,” Dia said. “Maybe in a couple of years. How about an art museum?”

 

“Uh...me and you can enjoy that a little better,” Hanamaru said slowly.

 

Dia reminded herself to plan a date around that. “Arcade?”

 

Hanamaru shook her head, watching as Dia put down her crust and went for another slice. Hanamaru had a habit of teasing Dia for not eating her crusts, but she stayed silent that time. “Yoshiko-chan already took her there, zura. I think it was a little too high-energy for her. She started crying.”

 

“Would it really be so bad to take her to the aquarium again? As stubborn as that kid is, I doubt she’ll be happy anywhere else,” Dia said. Hanamaru shifted in her seat, sucking hard on her straw. There was something amiss. “Hanamaru...”

 

“I...have some other reasons,” Hanamaru said slowly. Dia leaned in inquisitively, but Hanamaru shook her head and leaned back. “I don’t wanna ruin the evening, zura. We can talk about it later.”

 

Dia watched Hanamaru’s face carefully. As mischievous as she could be, she wasn’t a very good liar. “I’m having a rather good time tonight. I’m not sure too much could ruin it.”

 

“It’s...Kazuo-kun,” Hanamaru said, finally. Dia was wrong about nothing ruining her night. She knew it was unfair for her to be so upset, but how could she help it? She was a bit territorial. Dia had promised herself that she would never be the type of girlfriend to be so furiously jealous, but it was happening without her even being able to stop it. She hoped her disdain didn’t show on her face. Hanamaru must not have seen it, because she just continued. “I didn’t think she would remember, but the first time I took her to the aquarium, Kazuo-kun was with us, and now she’s begging me to get him home so he can go with us this year. She’s never this insistent about seeing him, zura...”

 

Dia swallowed. Was this the opportunity she was looking for to convince Hanamaru to tell Kanan the truth about Kazuo? She had reasons other than her selfish motives, of course. It really seemed like keeping Kazuo “alive” was only harming Hanamaru, and in a way, Kanan as well. “Can I be blunt with you?”

 

“I can’t believe you asked for permission, zura.”

 

“I’m taking that as a ‘yes’,” Dia said wryly. Hanamaru giggled, but Dia had a feeling she wouldn’t be as chipper once Dia gave her opinion. “Maybe...maybe it’s time to tell her the truth about Kazuo-san.”

 

“Yeah. Maybe, zura. I guess...I’ll tell her tonight. Before I lose my nerve.” Hanamaru was surprisingly calm. Dia had expected her to be upset, maybe even outraged, but Hanamaru seemed almost determined, as if she knew it was her duty to tell Kanan the truth. Dia wondered what it felt like, to be living in a fantasy while knowing it’s not at all true. Hanamaru palmed her eyes, then sighed and smiled. Her eyes were just the slightest bit pink, as if she were going to cry, and Dia felt awful. Her first instinct was to reach across the table, hold Hanamaru’s hand, tell her that everything would be okay...but the look on Hanamaru’s face said “let me forget”. “Alright. That’s enough chit-chat. Let’s have a round two so you can get your redemption arc.”

* * *

Dia had expected to see a disaster unfolding when she walked into Kunikida Bakery the next day. After all, how well was Kanan supposed to take the news? However, that was the exact opposite of what she saw. The bakery didn’t really have a peak in customers on a Monday at noon, so it was fairly empty when Dia went in. Kanan was sitting at her corner table as always, squinting hard at her coloring book before drawing on the page. _She’s always here...so much for a babysitter,_ Dia thought, but with more amusement than she would have had before.

 

Surprisingly, Hanamaru wasn’t bustling around the bakery or behind the counter. Yoshiko and Mari were behind the counter again, with Yoshiko trying to dodge Mari’s groping hands. Dia marched up to the counter, and Yoshiko turned to her with a chuckle. “My, my...if it isn’t dear Zuramaru’s fated one.”

 

Dia blinked. “Um...yeah. Sure. Where’s Hanamaru?”

 

“You’ve got a one-track mind, Dia-chan,” Mari said. “Your little girlfriend’s at home. She left me and Yoshiko-chan in charge. Say, does Tsushima-Ohara Bakery sound nice to you...?”

 

“What? What’s wrong? Is she sick?” Hanamaru hadn’t shown any signs of not feeling well the day before.

 

“She’s...grieving.” Mari struggled to find the words, looking at Yoshiko for help. Yoshiko just made an awkward face and pushed buttons on the cash register. “She told Kanan-chan the truth yesterday. Kanan-chan took it well, but...”

 

Yoshiko sighed. “Being one of my little demons, it’s hard for her not to still feel attachment to those who have already left this realm...ah, the weight of a mortal’s reality is much to bear.”

 

Dia wasn’t sure she was still talking to two human beings, but she got the gist of it. She couldn’t help feeling that Hanamaru being so down was her fault. Wasn’t she the one who pressured Hanamaru to tell Kanan? Then again, it was inevitable that Hanamaru faced the music: Kazuo was gone. “I’ll go see her, then-”

 

Dia had expected to be met with enthusiasm from Mari, since she frequently acted like she was Hanamaru’s keeper, but Mari widened her eyes and shook her head. “She’s not in a good place. Kanan-chan’s staying with me and Yoshiko-chan for the next few days, actually. She doesn't really feel up to taking care of her right now.” Dia cringed. Was it really that bad...? “I get that you’re trying to help, but she’s a little self-conscious when she gets so emotional. Can you wait until tomorrow, maybe?”

 

It was certainly a hard order to follow. In fact, Dia felt somewhat insulted by the fact that Mari didn’t want her to be near Hanamaru...but the situation was obviously dire. Dia couldn’t imagine Hanamaru sending Kanan away for days at a time without a good reason. “Yeah, okay. I’ll go tomorrow evening,” Dia said. Dia heard a “psst” from Kanan’s direction. When she turned, Kanan was smiling and waving, a crayon in hand. Dia nodded to her with a little smile, but it was hard to keep the sadness out of it.

* * *

Staying true to her word, Dia waited until she got off of work the next day to drive to Hanamaru’s house (even though she sent Hanamaru a text), her heart heavy. When she knocked on the door, it felt odd to hear only Hanamaru’s slow footsteps rather than Kanan’s quick ones coming towards the door. When Hanamaru opened the door, Dia immediately embraced her, causing Hanamaru to squeak in surprise. Hanamaru hugged her back tight. Not a word was spoken for a couple of moments, until Hanamaru pulled back. “Come in. It’s still chilly.”

 

Dia came in and closed the door behind her. Sitting on the coffee table was a pint of ice cream with a spoon in it and a half-empty bottle of wine with no glass. “Living the life, I see.”

 

“I know, I know. Judge me later, please.” Hanamaru sat on the couch. She had a blanket and a pillow with her. Was it too painful for her to be in the bedroom? “Sorry for the radio silence, zura. I saw your text, but...”

 

“Mari-san told me you’ve been having a rough time. I understand,” Dia said.

 

She sat down next to Hanamaru, who had pulled her knees up to her chest. “I just didn’t expect it to hit this hard,” she admitted. “I thought it had stopped hurting by now...but I never really got a chance to hurt. Right after his funeral I had to go back to acting like everything was alright. For Kanan-chan’s sake.”

 

It was just as Dia had expected. Hanamaru was trying to keep Kazuo alive through Kanan, and it seemed like she had set herself up for disappointment. “Maybe we should get out of here. Get your mind off of him,” Dia suggested. “Is that why you’re in the living room?”

 

“Yeah. You got me,” Hanamaru said. “Not like it helps. The whole house is just kind of...”

 

Hanamaru trailed off, looking around as if Kazuo might pop out of the kitchen at any moment. That ferocious, territorial feeling rose up in Dia again. She tried to beat it down, but she couldn’t help herself. Perhaps she had an ulterior motive in trying to get Hanamaru’s mind off of Kazuo, but seeing Hanamaru upset was her first issue. “Stay the night at my apartment. It’s not much, but it’s somewhere for you to go.”

 

Hanamaru looked up at Dia with wide eyes, puffy and red from crying. “R-really, zura? Are you sure? I know you said you were picky about who you let into your space...”

 

That much was true. Dia’s father hadn’t even been to her apartment, let alone anybody she considered a romantic partner. “It’s not that serious,” Dia mumbled. “Why don’t you pack a bag and ride home with me?”

 

“I...I don’t know. I want to feel better, but it’s not like I can avoid being here forever,” Hanamaru said. “But...would you mind staying with me for a bit? I don’t want to be alone, zura. I guess it would be a little easier to go back into the bedroom if you stayed.”

 

It was heartwarming that Hanamaru found Dia’s presence comforting, so much that Dia couldn’t refuse Hanamaru’s request. Thankfully, Dia had stayed the night often enough that she had some clothes to spare at Hanamaru’s house. Together, they cleaned up the binge-eating mess of snack wrappers that Hanamaru had left in the living room, then went to take a shower. Dia had spent the night a lot, but they had never bathed together; Dia was surprised when Hanamaru didn’t let her hand go as they went towards the bathroom.

 

That was the first time Dia got to see Hanamaru’s naked body in full, no matter how much gentle groping they had done. She wasn’t shy at all, much to Dia’s surprise. If anything, Dia was more embarrassed at seeing Hanamaru than Hanamaru was at being seen. Dia didn’t mind her own body, but Hanamaru was certainly more...endowed. Dia saw Hanamaru smirk, a hint of her usual teasing self. “Yes, yes, I stare a lot. I don’t need to hear it again.”

 

“I wasn’t going to say anything, zura,” Hanamaru said, but her giggle gave her away.

 

Dia was conflicted. Hanamaru was obviously looking for a distraction from her pain, but hadn’t Dia been the one to tell her to face it? Dia didn’t have time to make a decision, because Hanamaru was wrapping her arms around Dia in a hug. That was nothing unusual, but it certainly was a little different when they were both wet and unclothed. Still, Dia instinctively reciprocated, placing her hands on Hanamaru’s hips as she usually did when Hanamaru held her. Hanamaru was looking up at her. She had wide eyes, something that Dia had found cute so many times...but right then, she only found them sad, almost lonely.

 

“I already told you you’re nice to look at,” Dia said. Her voice was low, just low enough to be perceived as seductive if Hanamaru chose to see it that way. Apparently she did, because she pulled Dia closer, raising up on her toes a bit to steal a kiss. Their kisses were always passionate, but Hanamaru seemed determined then, as if she had something to prove. Dia had Hanamaru’s top lip between her teeth, and Hanamaru gasped when Dia gently bit down. Their tongues and lips easily slid over each other, both of their eyes closed. Yes, there was definitely something different. Dia knew they would go a lot farther than kisses that night.

 

Hanamaru’s hand moved to Dia’s chest, and Dia jerked backwards, biting her lip. “Are you okay?” Hanamaru asked, removing her hand.

 

She wasn’t sure. When she least expected it, she was feeling jealous again. No, not jealous...triumphant. And it was wrong. How bitter was she, to feel pride in being with a widow? It was something she couldn’t help. She was competitive by nature, and she didn’t _want_ to share Hanamaru with anybody, no matter how unfair it was of her. “Y-yeah, I’m fine. It’s just...” Dia swallowed. “I want you. Bad.”

 

“Let me touch you then, silly,” Hanamaru said.

 

Hanamaru backed Dia up until they were directly beneath the showerhead, with Dia pressed against the wall. Dia hummed. “Do you need me to teach you how?”

 

“I’ve been with women before, Dia-chan.” Hanamaru rolled her eyes.

 

“Since Kazuo-san?”

 

Hanamaru’s face twitched. Once again, Dia was conflicted, but that time, it was between wanting to forget Kazuo existed and wanting Hanamaru to say that Dia was _better._ “Before,” Hanamaru said, her voice soft. She looked up at Dia through her lashes. “But I haven’t lost my touch.”

 

“Show me,” Dia said. They kissed again, as Hanamaru’s hand parted Dia’s legs. Dia pulled back, sighing in relief and tilting her head back. Just the feeling of Hanamaru’s two fingers running back and forth over her slit was amazing, after wanting that kind of touch for so long.

 

“Dia-chan...do you always get this turned on when you’re with me?” Hanamaru slid a finger inside of Dia, easily, since Dia’s pussy eagerly welcomed it. Dia’s own fingers, which she was thoroughly familiar with by then, were a lot longer than Hanamaru’s, but Hanamaru’s felt just as amazing nonetheless. More than anything, her touch was caring, unlike the quick, shameless fucks that Dia gave herself. Dia should have expected that kind of thing from Hanamaru. It felt like Hanamaru was caressing her, complemented by gentle kisses to Dia’s shoulder.

 

Dia was so focused on Hanamaru’s finger inside of her that she almost forgot that she had been asked a question. “You’re the one with the filthy mind. I _do_ just like being with you...”

 

Hanamaru seemed a little displeased, probably because Dia still sounded so put together. As if to challenge Dia, she pressed another finger in. Dia moaned, but it was so quiet that it was almost just an exhale. “But you like it better when I’m doing this, zura?”

 

Dia was far too embarrassed to dignify that with a response, so she just let her hands roam over Hanamaru’s body. She had long awaited an opportunity to get more acquainted with Hanamaru’s round butt, and she took the time to do so as Hanamaru’s fingers moved in and out of her at a snail’s pace. Hanamaru’s cheeks heated up as Dia kneaded her ass. “I stare at this when you’re not looking,” Dia admitted. There was no point in lying anymore, and she was feeling a bit brave.

 

“This must be like Christmas for you, then.”

 

Dia couldn’t even roll her eyes, because Hanamaru was moving her free hand to Dia’s chest, where it was before. That time, Dia didn’t move, so Hanamaru tweaked her nipple, as if testing Dia’s limits. Dia finally let out a moan loud enough for Hanamaru to fully enjoy, her hips pressing down on Hanamaru’s hand. Hanamaru was right when she said she hadn’t lost her touch...or was she just so naturally loving that she knew how to please a lover without trying? Whatever it was, Dia was hooked. Hanamaru’s fingers were a bit wide, just wide enough to stretch Dia’s pussy and contribute a quick shock of pleasure to the heat spreading slowly through Dia’s body.

 

Much to Dia’s chagrin, the heat stopped when Hanamaru pulled both of her hands back. “Turn around and put your hands on the wall,” Hanamaru said. Her voice was commanding, but she was looking up at Dia with the pleading eyes of a child. Dia looked over her shoulder at the wall and imagined herself bending against it. _Definitely_ embarrassing, but, even worse, a bit of a turn-on. So, Dia complied, turning and placing her hands on the wall and spreading her legs as if she were about to be searched.

 

Hanamaru was short, so the position was slightly awkward, but it was greatly improved by the feeling of Hanamaru’s tits pressed against Dia’s back. Hanamaru was embracing her, with one arm crossed over Dia’s torso to tease her nipple and the other wrapping around Dia’s hip to reach her pussy. Dia would have liked to grope Hanamaru a bit more, but the way Hanamaru’s fingers re-entered Dia (quick, straight to the point, almost business-like) left no room for Dia to debate. Instead, she simply leaned against the wall a bit as her knees trembled.

 

The new position seemed to have lit a new fire in Hanamaru. While her touch was still loving and tender, she was no longer shy about being a bit rougher. Dia whispered an affirmation, her nails dragging on the tile of the shower stall. “I thought you’d like it like this, Dia-chan. No need in trying to be gentle with your type, huh?”

 

“Just keep fucking me,” Dia said. Hanamaru giggled against the back of her shoulder, nipping playfully. Dia was moving her hips backwards as discreetly as she could manage, but Hanamaru must have caught on, because she added a third finger and held Dia tighter. “D-do it harder, on my chest. Be a little more...yeah.”

 

Dia was prepared to hear a teasing statement, but Hanamaru allowed Dia to indulge in peace for a moment, twisting Dia’s nipples just enough for it to hurt. Dia’s hands clenched into fists, shaking excitedly. Part of her was hoping that Hanamaru wasn’t judging her for getting off on pain, but the other part could care less, just wanting to feel that sweet rush again. Thankfully, Hanamaru was satisfying the latter half graciously. Dia felt Hanamaru’s teeth and lips on her shoulder, dealing out pain and pleasure in rapid succession. Dia was impressed with Hanamaru’s coordination. Her mouth was working on Dia’s skin while her hands took care of Dia’s breast and dripping cunt. Dia wasn’t sure how much longer she could stay standing. She considered asking Hanamaru if they could move to the bedroom, but she wasn’t sure she’d survive without having Hanamaru’s hands on her until she finished.

 

“Is this good, Dia-chan?” Dia hated how innocent her voice sounded. It wasn’t quite fair, when she was making Dia dizzy without even trying.

 

“It’s a-amazing,” Dia said. It was certainly a lame response, but how else was she supposed to respond when her brain was hardly working anymore?

 

“You’re so hot,” Hanamaru groaned. “You’re getting tighter and tighter...you can’t get enough, right?”

 

“S-stop asking me things like that...!” Dia sucked air in through her teeth, her body stiffening as Hanamaru hit the spot that made her mind go completely blank. Hanamaru hummed, forfeiting more teasing to keep pressing her fingers against Dia’s g-spot. Although Hanamaru had went silent, Dia couldn’t help swearing and moaning unabashedly, trying to remain standing under Hanamaru’s assault. Her eyes were rolling back in her head, her pussy was quivering, every part of her skin that Hanamaru touched was on fire. She could feel Hanamaru’s nipples getting harder on her back. Did Hanamaru really get off on seeing Dia come undone? “Fuck, I’m almost there, I’m almost there...touch my clit. Please, just-”

 

Hanamaru hushed Dia. Even in that short sound, Dia could hear the smile on Hanamaru’s face. Hanamaru pulled her fingers out of Dia, and Dia felt empty for a moment, but the pleasure started welling up in her again the moment Hanamaru’s middle finger started to circle around her clit. Dia sobbed in relief, thanking Hanamaru under her breath. Her clit was swollen and stiff by then, and highly responsive to the slow, lazy circles that Hanamaru was drawing around it. “Tell me what you want,” Hanamaru coaxed.

 

There was no part of Dia that could bother resisting when she was so close to the edge. “Press down a little harder,” she said. Hanamaru nodded against her shoulder blade and did so, but her hand was still moving excruciatingly slow. “Come on. Faster.” Dia didn’t have the energy to be irritated with how entertaining Hanamaru found her desperation. All she could do was slump against the wall as Hanamaru started to rub her clit the way she liked it, so fast that it made her weak. “Oh, God, just like that...Hanamaru, Hanamaru, Hanamaru...!”

 

The love bites slowed down as Dia orgasmed, changing into a quick barrage of kisses on the back of Dia’s neck. Hanamaru was stronger than Dia gave her credit for; even as Dia threatened to fall out on the shower floor, Hanamaru held her up, her hands working non-stop to bring Dia even higher than she already was. When Dia opened her eyes, her vision was still flashing white. Hanamaru had slowed down, letting Dia’s climax coast to a slow, lazy end.

 

They stood under the shower jet, still except for Dia’s heaving chest and the occasional smooch from Hanamaru. After a few long moments, Dia had regained her energy enough to turn around and kiss Hanamaru, deep and sloppy. Dia could feel Hanamaru panting into their kiss. Of course Hanamaru was turned on by then. Dia felt ashamed as a lover, not even having considered reciprocating at first. “Let’s get out of here so I can return the favor,” Dia said. Hanamaru’s feet shuffled anxiously, probably in anticipation.

 

After washing up (even though they’d undoubtedly be dirtier by the time the night ended) and drying off, they were naked on top of Hanamaru’s bed, laying on their sides and touching wherever they saw fit. Dia had been slightly worried that them making love in what she assumed to be the bed Hanamaru shared with Kazuo would be odd, but if Hanamaru was affected by it, she made sure not to show it. Instead, she nervously said, “I-I don’t really know what I want.”

 

Dia circled her thumb over Hanamaru’s hip bone. “How about you sit on my face?”

 

Hanamaru scoffed. “Y-you’re joking, right...? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a big girl, zura...”

 

“Oh, stop,” Dia said, rolling her eyes. “I’ll be fine. Please? I’d really like it if you did.” Dia rolled onto her back, leaving no room for argument. Hanamaru sat up on her knees, throwing Dia a questioning look. “Trust me. I know what I’m doing.”

 

“Of course you do,” Hanamaru said. Dia narrowed her eyes at the hint of sarcasm in Hanamaru’s voice, but to Dia’s surprise, she simply obeyed, throwing her leg over Dia’s head and straddling her face. Dia squeezed Hanamaru’s butt, earning a squeak from Hanamaru. Why not take advantage of the opportunity? However, she wouldn’t allow herself to get distracted, with Hanamaru’s glistening slit begging for attention above her. Although she still kept Hanamaru’s ass in her hands, she focused on her main objective a bit more.

 

The moment Dia’s tongue made contact with Hanamaru’s pussy, Hanamaru jumped, her hand clutching the headboard. Hanamaru’s qualms about sitting on Dia’s face seemed to disappear in an instant, because she was balancing all of her weight on Dia’s face, rather insistent about Dia’s mouth being on her. Dia held Hanamaru even closer to her, her tongue wiggling into Hanamaru’s pussy until Hanamaru’s legs squeezed around Dia’s head. Hanamaru tasted sweet, tangy. Dia couldn’t get enough.

 

She let her tongue slip out of Hanamaru’s pussy, licking up Hanamaru’s juices with quick, firm lashes of her tongue. Hanamaru was purring and whining, her hips moving this way and that on Dia’s face. Dia found Hanamaru’s reactions incredibly sexy, from the jerk of her body to the cute noises coming from her lips. Dia flicked her eyes up to look at Hanamaru’s face; her eyes were shut, she was trying to bite back moans, and her face was pink with excitement. Dia wanted to tease Hanamaru just as Hanamaru had teased her, but pulling her mouth away from Hanamaru’s cunt wasn’t exactly an option.

 

Dia decided to get a little more risky. The hand on Hanamaru’s right buttcheek pulled back, only to come back down with a slap. Hanamaru jumped again, moaning Dia’s name. “Again, please,” she begged. “D-Dia-chan, hit me again...!”

 

That made Dia growl low in her chest. She reared back and smacked Hanamaru’s ass again, pleased to feel more warmth pooling into Hanamaru’s pussy. Dia was almost ashamed of how slutty she was being, but she found that the wet smacking noises coming from her lips and tongue only turned her on more. She could forgive herself for being a little sloppy, if she was being rewarded with more praise from Hanamaru.

 

Hanamaru had let one hand drop from the headboard, stroking Dia’s hair affectionately. “So good, so good...” Her other hand let go of the headboard as well, but rather than petting Dia like the other hand, it went to her breast. Dia scolded herself inwardly for not indulging in Hanamaru’s luscious tits when she had the chance, but she reminded herself that she had a lot of time to do that; their first time was going so well that it definitely wouldn’t be their last. The more sensible part of Dia told her to slow down and enjoy the moment they were having, but it was impossible to do when her heart was thudding fast in her chest and Hanamaru was riding her face so desperately. They could do the slow lovemaking later, after their more baser needs had been satisfied.

 

Satisfied didn’t begin to describe how excited Hanamaru seemed to be, though. Every now and then, Dia would feel her shake hard, her legs tensing up before loosening as she sighed. Hanamaru was ever-so talkative, although Dia could hardly make out any word of what she was saying. Her voice was high-pitched, shaky, and almost terrifyingly attractive to Dia. Once again, Dia felt the urge to pull away from her task to coax Hanamaru a bit. Having Hanamaru taking the reins and doing as she pleased had its own appeal to Dia, though, so she stayed in her place.

 

For someone who was so reluctant before, Hanamaru was gladly taking advantage of her position, moving her hips in a wide arc to let Dia’s tongue lick at every part of her. Dia was sure her face was thoroughly sticky with Hanamaru’s honey by then, but she didn’t mind, as long as she could still taste it on her tongue.

 

As lovely as it was to tease Hanamaru’s hole and lap up the juices that came out of it, Dia wanted to give Hanamaru’s clit some attention too. She gave Hanamaru another swat to the ass, then held Hanamaru in place as she dragged her tongue up to Maru’s clit. Hanamaru brought both of her hands to Dia’s head after that, clawing at Dia’s scalp like a stretching cat. Dia moaned happily at the feeling. Hanamaru started to vibrate harder against Dia’s lips, her loud wails and gasps dying down to heavy breaths and clipped whimpers. She started to ride Dia’s face faster, harder, holding Dia’s head close.

 

 _She’s coming already...?_ It was a bit of a disappointment, but Dia couldn’t blame her. After all, Dia was pretty good at her job. Dia flicked her tongue until her jaw started to ache, and even then she didn’t stop, although Hanamaru was moving so quickly that Dia couldn’t even tell where her open-mouthed kisses were landing. The jerk of Hanamaru’s hips became more erratic, then slowed to a stop. Not wanting to overstimulate Hanamaru, Dia left Hanamaru with one last passionate kiss to her slit before letting Hanamaru roll off of her exhaustedly onto the bed.

 

Hanamaru seemed to be relatively docile until Dia leaned in for a kiss. Hanamaru squealed in surprise, and Dia pulled back, assuming Hanamaru didn’t want to taste herself. However, the issue seemed to be something different. Hanamaru rushed into the bathroom to get a wet rag, obviously embarrassed by how...enthusiastic she got. “I’m so sorry, Dia-chan,” she cried out. Once she had the cloth, she gently wiped Dia’s face off. It was a shame, really; Dia hadn’t even gotten a chance to lick her lips clean. “I can usually control myself a bit more...”

 

“Looks like I did a better job than Kazuo-san, huh?” Dia smirked, feeling a bit proud of herself. Hanamaru _still_ seemed to be short of breath.

 

“Oh, come on...d-don’t say stuff like that.” Hanamaru chuckled, but something about her laugh made Dia uneasy. It sounded awkward, stiff, like the kind of laugh you did when you were humoring a drunk guy who was hitting on you at the bar. Why was Hanamaru so uncomfortable?

 

Dia felt that bitter rage rising up in her again. It was her own fault, she knew it, but... “Why not? It’s true, isn’t it?”

 

“Dia-chan, that’s a pointless question to ask,” Hanamaru said. Dia flinched. Hanamaru had sat the cloth down on the bed, frowning. Dia was only joking. Why had Hanamaru turned things so negative? “We’re having a nice night, okay? Let’s...not ruin it, zura. Why would you even bring him up, if just hearing me talk about him upsets you?”

 

Dia elected to ignore that last bit, knowing that it was somewhat true. She had hoped that the disgust and jealousy wouldn't show on her face when Kazuo was mentioned, but that didn't seem to be so. “Ruin it?” Dia scoffed. “How am _I_ ruining it? I was just asking a question.”

 

“It’s a stupid question!” Hanamaru was beyond uncomfortable by then. She was just _angry._ “What are you trying to prove by asking me if you’re better than him? It’s stupid-”

 

“Stop saying that. What’s _stupid_ is how upset you’re getting over a question! I don’t get why you’re so intent on defending him,” Dia said. She was getting louder, her fists were clenched tighter. There was a sour taste in her mouth. After holding in the building feelings of envy for so long, her jealousy was finally rearing its ugly head. “I don’t get why you can’t just let it go. He’s gone, Hanamaru! Why can’t you face that? He’s not here, and he won’t be, because he’s dead. I thought you wanted to be with _me_ now. So why can’t you...”

 

Dia trailed off. Her lips had moved, but she hadn’t even thought about what she was saying before she said it. It was the worst kind of regret; the kind that hit you as soon as the deed was done, the kind that hit you and made you suffer as you watched the consequences of your actions unfold. Dia had expected Hanamaru to be sad, even furious, but her face was just blank. “I think you should go,” she said. “I want to be alone.”

 

“That was in poor taste. I-I’m sorry,” Dia said.

 

“Just go.”

 

“No, no, let’s talk this through for a minute,” Dia pleaded. “You can’t just shut me out-”

 

“Yes, I can,” Hanamaru said. Dia could hear Hanamaru’s teeth clenching as she spoke. “Dia, go. Now.”

 

Hanamaru’s face was completely closed off. Dia had never felt so alone. It was as if nobody was even in the room with her. Hanamaru was looking her right in the eyes, but it still felt like she wasn’t there. “Hanamaru...I’m really sorry,” Dia said, a last-ditch effort.

 

Silence. A blank stare.

 

Dia got dressed and left.


	6. Chapter 6

Dia didn’t sleep that night. Instead, she replayed the events of her and Hanamaru’s argument over and over again, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. She went over her words time and time again, and as she did, she realized how stupid she was. The problem wasn’t what she said, it was how she was feeling. Even if she  _ hadn’t _ asked such an ignorant question, there was no doubt in her mind that her feelings of jealousy would have gotten in the way eventually.

 

It was shameful to think about. Dia knew she had to apologize. By the time morning came and she headed off to work, she was feeling desperate. Even if Hanamaru wouldn’t take her back, she had to let it be known that she was sorry. Dia went over multiple forms of apology as she worked distractedly. “I’m sorry, I made a mistake and I understand it, I won’t do it again”? It was a proper apology as far as she knew, but something about it seemed hollow. 

 

By the time Dia’s lunch break came up, she had no idea what to say. It was rare that she jumped into a situation unprepared, but she didn’t want to waste time, so she went down to the bakery. She made sure to take her new satchel, too, hoping that putting Hanamaru’s gift to use would win her some brownie points.

 

However, Hanamaru wasn’t even there. Mari was standing at the counter and Yoshiko was pouring tea for a customer. Kanan wasn’t there, either. Dia walked up to the counter, expecting a bright grin from Mari as always. 

 

Mari didn’t even look up from her phone.

 

Assuming Mari hadn’t heard her approach, Dia cleared her throat. Mari rolled her eyes, setting her phone down. “Yeah, I know you’re there. A dozen matcha cookies to-go?”

 

“Uh...no.” Dia was about to ask Mari if she was feeling alright, but then it hit her: Mari probably knew about the argument with Hanamaru.  _ Great. Now I have  _ two  _ people that I have to suck up to. _ When she glanced over at Yoshiko, she only got a glare back.  _ Okay, three. _ “Listen, I want to see Hanamaru. I know she’s angry-”

 

“Angry? She’s not angry. She’s devastated. And she doesn’t want to see you. Hell, she probably took off just to avoid you. By the way, you’re _not_ better than him in bed. I didn’t exactly get a raving review from her, but maybe that’s just because you’re an asshole,” Mari said. The bakery was empty except for the customer that Yoshiko was serving, so Mari didn’t hesitate to get a little aggressive. Dia felt like she was going head-to-head with Maru’s personal guard dog...a guard dog that was severely doubting Dia’s morality (and sexual prowess). “What were you thinking, huh? Maru-chan  _ finally _ gives herself a chance to mourn, and your first thought is to tell her to get over it? I should have known you were trouble. You probably only got close to Kanan-chan and bought all those gifts just to get closer to Maru-chan so you could break her heart!”

 

Dia knew that she deserved the scolding she was getting, but she had to defend herself at least a little bit. She had to let Mari know that she  _ cared _ about Hanamaru, even if she made some bad decisions. “It was a mistake,” Dia insisted. “I love her. I really do. And I love Kanan-chan too. I just...I’m scared that I’m going to be in second place to Kazuo-san. Even though he’s gone, I still feel like she loves him.”

 

“Of course she does. That’s the father of her child. They were like two peas in a pod. You’d know that if you ever bothered to listen to her, stupid.” It was a fairly childish insult, but Dia would take the hit. “It isn’t a competition. She was falling head-over-heels in love with you, and you had to go mess it up. And for what? An ego boost? Do you get how stupid it is to compete with a dead manーGod rest his soulーall at Hanamaru-chan’s expense? We all get a little insecure. But, you've gotta figure that out on your own, Dia-san. You shouldn't go hurting Maru-chan in the process.”

 

Mari turned away, moving to one of the ovens in the back and opening it. “I get that now, I do. Even if she doesn’t love me anymore, I just want her to know that I’m sorry. So...could you please...tell me where she is-”

 

Mari let out a barking laugh. She pulled a tray of matcha cookies out of the oven, freshly baked. The smell nearly made Dia cry from happiness, but she associated them with Maru to the point where it almost hurt. “As if! She doesn’t want to see you. Sorry!”

 

“At least let me apologize! She won’t even answer my calls...”

 

“What does that tell you?” Mari set the cookies down to cool, then came back to the counter, folding her arms. She seemed to be giving Dia the once-over, so Dia stood there, trying to look as sorry as possible. She wasn’t used to apologizing, and she was out of her element, but that didn’t matter. “She doesn’t want to see you...right now.”

 

“But I-”

 

“Come back tonight after closing,” Mari said. “She said she was going to come empty the cash register. Don’t tell her I told you where to find her. And don’t go saying anything stupid.”

 

Dia let out a sigh of relief. That was a start. “Thank you,  _ so _ much. I promise I’ll make things right with her, Mari-san.” Mari didn’t seem too convinced, and Dia could feel Yoshiko’s eyes burning a hole in the back of her head. “I mean it. I love her. I won't mess up like this again.”

 

“What are you telling  _ me _ for?” Mari picked her phone up again, and Dia turned away from the counter with a sigh. She could earn back the trust of Hanamaru’s friends later. Hanamaru was the priority.

* * *

Dia tried to throw herself into her work like she always did, distracting herself from the upcoming confrontation with Hanamaru. Every now and then, she’d get up to “stretch her legs”, which really meant going down to the lobby and trying to see if she saw Hanamaru’s car parked in front of the bakery. However, just as Mari said, Hanamaru wasn’t there until dark, long after Dia’s office building had gone mostly empty.

 

The fluorescent lights of the bakery seemed out of place when there were no ovens running, no sweet smells in the air. Instead, Hanamaru was just standing behind the counter, counting money. Her hair was still up, but she had her glasses on, much to Dia’s pleasure. It was a nice scene to take in, with Hanamaru’s lips pursed in concentration as she sorted bills. As good as the view was, Dia knew she had some business to attend to. After going through the words inside of her head one more time, Dia rapped on the glass door with the back of her hand.

 

Hanamaru jumped in surprise, her eyes going wide. When she saw Dia, her face softened, then hardened. That was a good sign, right? At least for a moment she got happy to see Dia. Hanamaru went back to sorting money, and Dia stood outside of the door anxiously. There was no way Hanamaru would just  _ ignore  _ her. After a couple of beats, Hanamaru looked up again and briefly locked eyes with Dia, then gave a deep sigh. Hanamaru put down the bills she was holding and walked over to the door, unlocking it and opening it.

 

“We’re closed,” she said.

 

“I’m aware. But I’m just asking you to hear me out. Even if it’s for five minutes.” Begging and pleading with Mari felt awkward, but with Hanamaru, it felt more natural. The sincerity must have came through, because Hanamaru stepped aside to let Dia in. Just like Mari said, Hanamaru didn’t look at all angry. She looked let down, or disappointed. That was even worse. Hanamaru walked around the counter again and went back to what she was doing. Dia took a seat at a table near the counter, trying not to fidget. “Would you like to sit down with me?”

 

“I’ve gotta finish this, zura.”

 

A lame excuse, but just truthful enough to be valid. Dia nodded in understanding. “So, uh...you and Kanan-chan went out today, I assume?”

 

“Shopping.”

 

“Oh, that’s nice. Did she get something she liked?”

 

“Yup.”

 

Hanamaru was the master of small-talk, and yet she was giving clipped responses?  _ I must be in some really deep shit, _ Dia thought dryly. “That’s good,” Dia said. “Where is she now? Kanan-chan, I mean.”

 

“Yoshiko-chan’s place.”

 

“I see...”

 

The room went silent. Dia still couldn’t bring herself to say what she needed to say. Hanamaru finally finished her task, neatly piling bills into a black lockbox. Dia watched, hoping that looking at Hanamaru would give her some kind of inspiration.  _ Say sorry. Say sorry. Say sorry...! _ Hanamaru tucked the lockbox under her arm, then took her seat at the table across from Dia. The way she slammed the box down on the table wasn’t really a good sign. At least it seemed like she was ready to address the elephant in the room. “I don’t think you understand me, Dia-chan.”

 

“Then help me understand. What don’t I understand?” 

 

Dia immediately felt like she was too aggressive, but Hanamaru showed no signs of being offended. “You don’t understand Kazuo-kun, or what our relationship was like.” Hadn’t Mari said something like that earlier in the day? Dia hated feeling wrong, but she was starting to feel like she was wrong. Hanamaru was looking down at the table, but Dia nodded to let her know she could continue. “I was starting to think that you were like him. Maybe just a little bit.”

 

“What was he like?”

 

“Well...” Hanamaru smiled sadly. The first time she’d smiled since Dia had walked in, maybe the first time she’d smiled in two days, and it was because of him... “I dunno how to say it. He really accepted me, zura. He made me feel like a princess, and I didn’t have to change a thing. I don’t have the greatest self-image, you know.” Dia wanted to scream,  _ I can do that for you, I can do that twice as well! You don’t need him! _ For once, though, she sat back and listened. “He didn’t care how I looked, and he didn’t care if I was a little weird. He didn’t care that I liked women, too. He just loved me regardless, and he didn’t look back...I thought you were like that.”

 

Dia blurted out, “I am!” She had told herself to hold back, to let Hanamaru talk while she listened, but it was more than a ego boost then. She couldn’t let Hanamaru be disappointed in her any longer. “I promise I am, Hanamaru. I just...the way you talk about him, and the way you feel about him...how am I supposed to compete with that, Hanamaru? How am I supposed to get you to love me when-”

 

“I already love you, Dia-chan. Do you know how conflicted I was when I met you? I never thought I’d fall in love again. And now you’re making me regret it,” Hanamaru said. Dia felt her heart tearing in half as she watched tears fall down Hanamaru’s face. “What you’re asking of me...to just  _forget_ him...it isn’t fair. It’s not fair at all. I’m not asking you to be him. I’d never do that to you.”

 

That was easy for Hanamaru to say. After all, the way Dia was feeling wasn’t even Hanamaru’s fault. As reluctant as Dia was to admit her faults, there was no way she’d put all of the blame on Hanamaru when it was her own envious demons making her act out. Hanamaru had never been expecting Dia to be like Kazuo, and yet Dia had told herself that that was what she had to be. “I know it isn't fair. And I’m sorry,” Dia said. “I just want a second chance. Please. I understand if you won’t, but...I want you to see who I really am. The jealousy, and the anger...that’s not me. I promise you. I just want to be by your side.”

 

Hanamaru seemed to be thinking, chewing at her lip and averting her eyes. Dia felt her stomach drop, but then she told herself that Hanamaru thinking was a good sign. After all, that meant that she was at least  _ considering _ taking Dia back...

 

“That’s all I’m asking for,” Hanamaru finally said. “So we’ll try again, okay?” She sounded resigned. Exhausted. Dia couldn’t stomach the thought of the stress Hanamaru had endured, and she couldn’t stand knowing how much of it she had caused. Dia put her palm face up on the table. Hanamaru placed her hand on top of it, and Dia slowly twined her fingers together. “Don’t get too comfortable. You’re on probation, zura.”

 

Dia laughed, and Hanamaru smiled down at their interlocked fingers. Dia didn’t doubt the threat, though. The speed with which Hanamaru shut her out was almost terrifying. Could Dia really control herself? She couldn’t help but feel afraid that she’d just slip up again. Her emotions had never taken control of her like that before, but the urge to fiercely protect her relationship with Hanamaru had made for a different situation. “Okay. I’ll take that. But can you tell Mari-san to not call me an asshole anymore?”

 

“That’s out of my control,” Hanamaru said. She gave Dia’s hand a squeeze, looking out of the window of the bakery. “It’d help a lot if you stopped being one, though.”

 

_ Ouch. I really  _ am  _ on probation. _ “Understood.” Hanamaru’s face was still tear-streaked. Dia raised her free hand, swiping away tears with her thumb. Hanamaru shut her eyes and leaned into Dia’s touch. “Hanamaru...I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Dia-chan. Stay with me for a bit tonight, okay?”

 

An offer that Dia couldn’t refuse. Besides, she had a little more sucking up to do, even if she had to put her pride on the backburner. She could tell that Hanamaru was still a little skeptical... “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”

* * *

About a week later, Kanan was back to staying with Hanamaru. Thankfully, she hadn’t seemed too upset while she was staying with Mari and Yoshiko. According to Hanamaru, it was probably due to there being no bedtime and no limit on candy over there, but Mari and Yoshiko vehemently denied being blatantly irresponsible. 

 

Although Kanan was surprisingly fine with being separated from her mother, Hanamaru was endlessly guilty. No amount of reassurance from Dia, Yoshiko or Mari could convince her that she had done the right thing in giving herself a break. Hanamaru just kept right on, spoiling Kanan rotten, starting with the coveted birthday aquarium trip (and a copious amount of calling Dia a penguin). 

 

At first, Hanamaru seemed to take Dia’s probation rather seriously, bluntly making it known that Dia wouldn’t be sleeping in her bed and sending her home before even Kanan fell asleep. There was a steady progression of forgiveness, even if it was in a fairly irrelevant area: first, Dia was allowed to stay until midnight. Then she was allowed to stay the night, but in the guest room (which Mari had not-so playfully dubbed “the shame room”). Finally, Dia was back in Hanamaru’s bed, snuggling up to her and falling asleep against her back. Dia never really let Hanamaru go back to her apartment; she had to admit that she somewhat craved the comforting feeling of Hanamaru's house, even if she was being shoved into the guest room. Things were going smoothly. Mari and Yoshiko’s insults were semi-serious at their worst, and Hanamaru was slowly letting Dia back into her life and her heart. Hanamaru had even let Dia take her on a birthday trip out of town, even if she was calling to check on Kanan every two hours, on the hour.

 

Despite the progress, Dia was unusually afraid; how did she know if her jealous feelings were truly gone if she never really had to confront them? Hanamaru only brought up Kazuo when Kanan asked questions about him, but they were so innocent (“did Papa like dolphins, too? Was he born on the same day as me? What’s his favorite color? How tall was he?”) that there was no way Dia would get too fired up. Kanan never asked how they got married, or how much Papa loved Mama, or anything about Kazuo in relation to Hanamaru.

 

Then, the test came.

 

Dia had spent the night over Hanamaru’s again, and of course, Hanamaru had cooked a big breakfast. Kanan was the only person at the table who had any energy in the mornings, so Dia and Hanamaru made noises of interest as they ate their food and tried to wake up, while Kanan talked. Kanan seemed oblivious to Dia and Hanamaru's inattention, going on and on about the dream she had had or how  _ shiny _  her mother’s cooking was (her new favorite word, courtesy of Mari). 

 

After a bit, though, she seemed tired of just talking to herself. She placed her elbow on the table, and her chin in her hand. “I just thought of something, Mama,” Kanan said.

 

That demanded a response, so Hanamaru smiled and asked, “What did you think of?”

 

“Papa...well, he was my Papa, zura.”

 

“Yes, that’s true.”

 

“He’s my Papa because he was married to you, right?”

 

Hanamaru thought that one over. Dia found it very sweet, how Hanamaru never spouted mindless answers just to get Kanan to be quiet. “Hmm. I guess you could say that...”

 

“But you’re not married anymore?”

 

Dia forced a forkful of meat into her mouth. Kanan’s questions were quickly stepping into dangerous territory. At the very least, Hanamaru seemed to be less fragile when Kazuo came up. In her period of grieving, she seemed to be breaking down at the sound of him. “No, we aren’t.”

 

“You’re married to Dia-chan now?”

 

“N-no, not  _ married, _ Kanan-chan,” Hanamaru said. Dia saw Hanamaru throw a look her way. It was nervous, almost scared. Was Hanamaru expecting Dia to lash out? Dia had to keep her mouth shut. Things were just getting better between them. Not only that, but Hanamaru had seemed just fine before Dia was brought into the conversation. It seemed like Hanamaru was fine with Kazuo being discussed until Dia was brought into it: a clear sign that Dia had messed up royally, and it wasn't forgotten about. “But, I do love her, zura.”

 

“You loved Papa, too, right?”

 

_ Where the hell is she even going with this...? _ “Yes-”

 

“Oh!” Kanan laughed. “Okay. So Dia-chan’s my Papa now! Cool!”

 

_...Oh. That’s where she was going. _ Hanamaru and Dia were both silent. Hanamaru was just plain shocked, while Dia was contemplative. There were a few leaps in logic there, but Kanan had made a...minimally valid point. A point that made Dia proud. She wasn’t a “Papa” per se, but she was replacing Kazuo, wasn’t she? 

 

Then, she backtracked. Wasn’t that the same line of thought that had led her to hurting Hanamaru? Wanting to replace Kazuo...she had told herself that it wasn’t right, told herself she had to stop. Or had she? No, she hadn’t. She had simply pushed her feelings away, and let them fester. 

 

Dia took a deep breath. Her emotions were familiar to her. She felt anger at Kazuo for being there before her, pride at taking his place...and she would keep those emotions at bay again, but that time, she’d make sure that they didn’t come back, and if they did, Hanamaru wouldn’t live to know about them. There was some work she had to do within herself, no matter how much she hated to admit it, but it would get done.

 

“That’s not true,” Dia said. Hanamaru made a choked noise of surprise, while Kanan listened with wide eyes. “Kazuo-san is your Papa, Kanan-chan. I love you and your mother very much, and I plan to stick around, but Kazuo-san should still be important to you. Do you get that? I’m not another Papa. I’m just Dia-chan.”

 

Once again, the tension in the room completely escaped Kanan. She just nodded slowly, then turned to Hanamaru. “Is that true, Mama?”

 

“I...w-well, yes,” Hanamaru said. Kanan nodded, and Dia was a little offended. Did her word really mean nothing to Kanan without the affirmation from her mother...? “Yeah. It’s true.”

 

“Hmm. Okay. I don’t get it, but okay. Glad you’re sticking around, Dia-chan!” Kanan grinned, then went back to blabbing on about a TV show that she had seen the other day. 

 

That time, though, Hanamaru and Dia had completely tuned her out. Instead, they were looking each other. Dia couldn’t read Hanamaru’s expression at first, but then, her face sank into a warm smile.  _ I’m glad you’re sticking around, too, _ Hanamaru mouthed.

 

Dia smiled back. She had a lot of growing to do, but it was a start.


	7. epilogue

It was rather sunny for February, but sun didn’t do much for Kanan when it was still chilly. In the backseat of Dia’s car, she looked out of the window with a grimace on her face. “This sucks,” she sighed. “My first day of work at the diving shop is tomorrow...but who’s going to be diving when it’s this chilly?”

 

“Wouldn’t have happened if you worked at the bakery, zura,” Hanamaru sing-songed. “I’m still hiring! All year long!”

 

“It’s good that she’s getting a job somewhere else. You’d probably just pay her without making her work, anyway. She needs to learn how to work hard.” Kanan groaned from the backseat, and Dia chuckled. “No free rides in life, kid.”

 

Kanan grumbled. “Thanks for the advice, Dia-chan. I’ll keep it in mind.”

 

“Sure you will,” Dia sighed. As sunny as it was outside, the mood in the car was anxiously depressing. It seemed like the small talk was only a means of distracting each other from the heavy cloud hanging over the car. Kanan was seventeen, then, and the yearly pilgrimage to Kazuo’s grave had been a staple of the family since Kanan was six, but it was a little difficult to get used to. Things were so awkward that as Dia parked in the cemetery, all Hanamaru could do was make a remark about how “busy” it seemed (even though there were only four cars there, including Dia’s).

 

Kanan seemed to be the most restless when they went, even though Hanamaru seemed a bit off herself. Kanan claimed to have no memory of Kazuo, with even the basic details slipping away from her as she got older. There wasn’t really any emotional response from her, even though she made sure to put on a mournful face for her mother’s sake. Dia had to do much of the same. How could she grieve over a man she never knew?

 

Dia and Kanan went with Hanamaru all the same, with all of them carrying flowers to lay at Kazuo’s headstone.  _ HERE LIES KAZUO MATSUURA,  _ it read. It stung a little bit to look at the years of his life. Dia noticed that they were painfully short. Just enough to get a taste of what life was really like, only to have it stripped away...

 

“Um...I’d like a moment alone, zura,” Hanamaru said. She was always so bashful about it, no matter how many times she had asked. Kanan and Dia both gave her a kiss on the cheek, then wandered away from the grave to go stand under a tree.

 

Dia watched Hanamaru. She was talking animatedly, although a bit sadly. Every now and then, her energy would die down, as if she had just realized that Kazuo couldn’t respond. Then she’d be excited again. “Maybe she’s talking about you,” Dia wondered aloud. “According to her, he loved you.”

 

“Yeah, she’s only told me a million times.” Kanan toed some dirt around, glancing at her mother and smiling. “This is a little weird, though, isn’t it? Especially for you.”

 

“What? Why especially for me?”

 

“I mean...I dunno. You and Mama are married now, but she still insists on coming here every year,” Kanan said. She looked up at Dia, and Dia tried to keep her face blank. Kanan looked away. “I don’t wanna make things weird, but-”

 

Dia shook her head. “No, no. I know what you’re saying. I used to be bothered by it. Hanamaru almost rejected my proposal, just because she felt like I hadn’t gotten over being jealous of Kazuo-san...but we moved past it. Rather,  _ I _ moved past it.”

 

“I’m glad you did,” Kanan said, grinning. “Mama would have turned you down if you didn’t! She’s stubborn as a mule!”

 

“That’s where you got it from...” Dia laughed distractedly, looking at Hanamaru again. She had stopped talking, and was simply staring at Kazuo’s grave in contemplation. It was a sad sight, but Dia wouldn’t let herself be jealous. She told herself to hold Hanamaru tight when she came back and remind her that she wasn’t alone. “I don’t mind coming here.”

 

Kanan must have sensed Dia zoning out, because she simply folded her arms behind her head and looked out over the rolling hills of the cemetery. Finally, after a few long moments of comfortable silence, Hanamaru came over, the flowers gone from her hands. “Sorry for the wait, zura!”

 

Dia checked her watch sarcastically. “Oh, no, you didn’t take long at all. It’s only been a couple of decades.” Hanamaru pouted. Despite scolding Hanamaru for taking too long, Dia said, “Give me a second. I’d like to go have my own little conversation with him, if you two don’t mind.”

 

The surprise was mutual between all three of them, because Dia wasn’t exactly sure what she was doing. Kanan snorted a little bit, as if the concept of Dia being so kind to Kazuo was completely foreign to the point where it was funny. Hanamaru was just shell-shocked...and slightly suspicious. “Why? What are you going to say? Dia-chan, you know we’re only a couple hundred feet from the house of God-”

 

“Oh, please,” Dia said. Hanamaru was deadly serious, but Kanan seemed to have trouble holding back a laugh. “Who am I to go insulting a dead man at his grave? Come on. I didn’t ask  _ you _ what  _ you _ had to say. I let you have your moment. May I have mine?”

 

Hanamaru seemed surprised by how passionate Dia was, but she simply stepped next to Kanan (gosh, she was so short compared to her daughter, just as Dia had expected) and folded her hands patiently. Dia nodded resolutely and walked the short distance to Kazuo’s grave. She had laid her own flowers down earlier, so she came back empty-handed. It didn’t feel right, so she stuffed her hands in the pocket of her trousers, even though it was a bit inappropriate.

 

“Good afternoon,” she said aloud. A bit formal, but that was just natural for her. “...I hope you enjoyed Hanamaru. I guess we both have a wonderful taste in women.” Dia laughed. Unsurprisingly, nobody was laughing with her. “I’m...really glad you met her. I hope you weren’t scorning me from the heavens a couple years ago, when I was basically cursing your name. Sorry about that, by the way.”  _ Apology accepted, I hope. _ “It took a bit of listening on my part to truly appreciate you. Knowing that you made her happy, and took her as she was...that brings me joy. Even if I wasn’t around when you were. Is that what love is...? Wanting your partner to be happy, even if you’re not there?” No response, of course. Dia had to admit that part of her was expecting one. “Anyway...th-thank you. Thank you for giving me the Hanamaru that I know today. Thank you for giving me Kanan-chan. I’ll take care of them for you.”

 

Was that all she had to say? Dia frequently thought up one-sided conversations with others during her daily routines, but it felt a little odd to do for a dead man, so she wanted to make sure she got everything off of her chest. Her little speech seemed to be enough, though. She felt...at peace. Like there was a fire inside of her, no matter how small, that had finally been put to rest. Dia gave a curt nod to Kazuo and stepped away. 

 

“All finished?” Hanamaru said. She was smiling, and Dia couldn’t help smiling back.

 

“Yes. I think so.”

 

“Let’s get out of here. It’s creepy,” Kanan moaned. Then, she straightened, turning to Maru. “Mama, I’m in the mood to bake.”

 

Hanamaru rolled her eyes. “If you’re so in the mood, you should take up my job offer!”

 

“No, no, not like that...” Kanan flushed at her mother’s teasing. “I just want some homebaked sweets. How about you, Dia-chan? How about me, you, and Mama get in the kitchen and make the best matcha cookies this side of Japan?”

 

“As long as Hanamaru is on board. I can’t eat any cookies but hers anymore,” Dia said. It wasn’t an exaggeration, either. After being married to an excellent cook and baker for so long, Dia had gotten a little...picky.

 

“I don’t think so! It’s my day off. You two are on your own, zura,” Hanamaru said, leaning back against the tree and mimicking Kanan’s folded arms. “Make  _ me _ some matcha cookies. I want three dozen!”

 

Dia wasn’t sure there was a point in making three dozens. Hanamaru would certainly still ask for more. Still, Dia couldn’t pass up the opportunity, no matter how simple it was...her and Kanan, mixing dough while Hanamaru cheered from the sidelines. A warm batch of matcha cookies, eaten on the couch during a movie marathon. It was a little taste of heaven, and it was all Dia’s. “How about five dozen instead?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fun!
> 
> I wasn't sure how the reception of this was going to go but wow this fic grew quickly...I'm so glad you all enjoyed it. It's been an idea I've had since at least August of '17, and I just got around to putting it down and posting it. And it paid off! Thank you guys so much. I hope I can make you even happier in the future c:


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